#And why would I stay with that person like she does with akio

[horse-girl-anthy]

I've said before that I think, at least at the start, that the RGU characters don't care about each other, but instead only care about an idea that the other person represents. I'd like to run through them now to spell out exactly what I mean by that. some are obvious, others less so.

Saionji sees in Anthy the promise of eternity, and perhaps also mutuality. he tells Utena that she wants the same thing as him, to make it to the castle, and that someday, they'll go there together, in doing so gaining an eternal relationship.

I don't think that Miki is longing for Kozue or for his past relationship with her. it's only the sunlit garden (the place, the music) that he refers to. Kozue is tangential to what he wants and that's why he's okay with getting a substitute for her.

Juri doesn't seem to care about Shiori at all. instead, Juri is obsessed with the pain that Shiori brings her. Shiori is a promise broken, a lack of fulfillment, an impossible wish. it is her own disillusionment that Juri is fixated on, not on Shiori herself.

to Nanami, Touga is power and status, and as long as she is connected to him, her own position is secure.

as for Touga himself, he is aware of his own callousness and only ever pretends to care about others in order to manipulate them.

how do Anthy and Utena fit into this? I think that Anthy is similiar, in that she cares for Dios, who is gone, not for Akio. but it's not exactly the same, because Anthy has no desire, nothing that she's striving for. she doesn't believe she can regain Dios and his nobility. it isn't actually an idea that she loves, but a memory. I would draw a distinction between her and the other characters in that regard--Miki keeps the sunlit garden alive inside himself; Anthy knows that it's dead and gone.

Utena is the hardest to pin down because she's contradictory. I think that she does care more about her idea than Anthy at the start, but her idealization of nobility requires her to try to understand, to forgive, and to never stop caring. it's in this contradiction that the conflict at the heart of RGU is resolved. I'm still pondering over this, but it seems to me that the other characters place their ideals in Utena's hands. in the final episodes, they're all resigned. they know they aren't the ones who are going to bring the world revolution; they know only Utena is capable of it. in giving up, they begin to care about one another genuinely. it is Utena alone who finds a way to love by staying true to the ideal.

[transmascutena]

saw a post tht said anthy's cowardice makes her complicit in her abuse & i was speechless for a bit... & how abusive systems are held not only by abusers but also by ppl who are hurt by it who refuse to try... i'm living in abusive environment myself so this ticked me off lol. i mean... abuse and grooming will condition the victim to accept the suffering theyre subject to than taking a chance at an escape. abuse and grooming make a victim a coward. to say anthy's cowardice makes her complicit in her hurt is victim blaming. many ppl don't know how deep the psychological impacts of abuse are... i'm not infantilizing. these are facts. we victims may die trying to even have hope... we need some help too. we can't do it on our own. we know there are better things than abuse but the mere uncertainty is enough to scare us off. we cling to familiarity. self sabotage. sorry for the rant this is just something so personal to me

it is a deeply annoying post (as are all the others from that person) because they're acting like they're analyzing depth to anthy's character that nobody else ever talks about (untrue) but they just. aren't. like even if it is technically true that anthy is a coward who is complicit in perpetuating this cycle of abuse, you can't just end the conversation there. you gotta ask why this is. why is she so afraid of change? why is it so impossible for her to see an alternative to the way things are? you gotta look at the context of it all. the fact that she is a child, and that you can't hold her to the expectation of breaking this entire system by herself (even though, in a way, she does). and perhaps most importantly, that the main person anthy is hurting with her complicity is... herself. it is deeply unserious to say that anthy "faces no consequences" for her actions when consequences are all she ever gets. like what else do you want to happen to her?? why do you feel like she deserves to suffer, and how would it help anyone? anthy's suffering is precisely what keeps her complicit in the first place, and literally what the entire system is built on. you can't be like "wow she did all that and she just gets to walk away at the end??" when her leaving is the biggest step to making things right both for herself and for the people she hurt/helped akio hurt. do you really think the point should have been that she needs to stay in her coffin forever and, what, repent for her sins?? and just the idea that a narrative needs to punish every single action someone makes accordingly (what does that even mean) is very silly. that is not how the world works. people don't always get what they "deserve" and what they deserve is, clearly, very subjective anyway. whatever, i'm just rambling too now.

[chaos-of-the-abyss]

akio and the coffin

it’s fascinating how akio both literally IS the coffin of ohtori academy and, simultaneously, is trapped by it. ohtori academy is in many ways a manifestation of the ugly side of adolescence, of clinging on to something in your past and refusing to move forward in your life. every character has something they continue to hold on to despite the fact that they ought to let it go for the sake of growing and maturing. for example, saionji has his inferiority complex regarding touga, his refusal to let go of the simplicity of their childhood together when he felt that they stood on the same ground, and that touga saw him as an equal. everything he does in the series is an attempt to make himself feel as though he is finally on equal grounds with touga. if he would only stop tying his self-image to the perception that touga is somehow above him, that touga looks down on him, then he would be able to let go of that sense of inferiority and move on. but he can’t. juri refuses to let go of the pain she feels regarding her past with shiori, and continues to see shiori as someone who is “innocent”, albeit cruelly - someone who is unknowing of the pain she causes juri through her actions when in fact, shiori in seducing the boy she thought juri loved was deliberately acting to hurt her. if juri would only realize and accept the true intentions behind shiori’s behavior, then she could get one step closer to understanding shiori, to being understood by her, and moving past the pain of shiori’s betrayal. but she can’t. 

most of the characters, except utena and anthy of course, remain in ohtori by the end of the show. while they’ve all made progress in “maturing” thanks to the events they experienced throughout the series - both saionji and touga’s as well as juri and shiori’s relationships have gotten visibly better, as shown in the final medley of scenes - they still have more growing to do, hence why they remain in ohtori academy until their time comes. one day, the show suggests, they might also revolutionize their own worlds - their own selves - and finally leave the coffin of ohtori behind as well. 

so where does that leave akio? i think he can be said to literally be the coffin of ohtori in that he is explicitly shown to try to manipulate others into remaining stagnant, to clinging on to whatever toxic things they are struggling to process and come to terms with, though this is of course only shown via the characters he most directly interacts with. naturally it comes across most clearly with anthy, although i think utena and to a less direct extent, touga, are the other two people who are the most straightforwardly influenced by him. when it comes to anthy, she clings to her love for the person her brother used to be, the older brother who, at least as she perceived, was kind and caring and wanted to protect people. to protect that older brother, she willingly took on the hatred of the world, and continues to endure the pain of it to this day for what is implied to be centuries. but akio has shown time and time again, through the repeating dueling cycles, that if he was ever kindhearted and genuinely caring, those parts of him are gone now. i do believe he cares about anthy to an extent even now, but whatever affection he has for her is paltry in comparison to his desire to reclaim his power as prince dios. it’s for that purpose that he set up the entire dueling system, for which he freely allows duelists to treat anthy like a prize and an object. and additionally, because anthy is so integral to the power he has now in ohtori, he uses emotional, psychological, physical, and sexual abuse to keep her tied to him. he’s willing to not just let her wellbeing come last, but puts it at the bottom of the list of priorities, and actively tears it down himself for his own benefit. anthy knows all this - but because she still holds onto that love that she had for who he used to be, she stays with him and does his bidding. and that’s what akio wants. he is the coffin, wishing to keep people in their states of despair, conflict, and pain, therefore ensuring that they are compliant and vulnerable to his manipulation. 

at the same time, akio is trapped by the coffin like everyone else. he, like all the other characters, has something that he ought to move on from for his own sake as well as the sake of the people around him: his goal to reclaim his powers as prince dios. akio has failed in this goal every single dueling cycle that happened before the show’s events, and as displayed in the final episode, he definitively fails the one that takes place during the show as well. he can attempt the cycle over and over and over again, redo and tweak and modify the dueling system however many times and in whatever ways he wants - it’s all useless. there is no sword that can break open the rose gate. there is no way to reclaim his powers. they’re gone, that part of his life is over, and if he accepted that fact, it would allow him to move on and heal from what he experienced. but he can’t. at the very end of the series, right before anthy leaves ohtori for good, he’s typing away just as diligently as he ever did and, completely oblivious, tells anthy that he’s rewriting the rules of the rose crest, that he’ll be counting on her again. and i didn’t pick up on this until rewatching the episode, but it really just hits you then how utterly stupid he looks, working so hard and speaking so confidently about the upcoming dueling cycles as if any of them are ever going to matter in the slightest. i love anthy’s response to him too; i love the subtle but at the same time so blatant scorn in her words: “you really don’t know what’s happened, do you?” because once again, throughout all this, akio has learned nothing. he hasn’t realized it’s useless, what he’s trying to do; he hasn’t realized all the effort and pain and anguish he’ll cause in people for yet another dueling cycle will never make any difference. he is unable to come to terms with the reality that he will never have his powers as prince dios back. he refuses to move on. 

akio is the coffin of ohtori, wanting to keep others in stagnation and regret. he’s also trapped by the coffin, incapable of maturing past his own stagnation and regret. and it really, really says something that all of the other major characters of the show, who have been in ohtori for far shorter a time than he has, have been able to make visible strides in their growth. anthy, who is the only one comparable to akio in terms of duration at ohtori, revolutionizes her world and leaves. meanwhile akio, as deluded and self-unaware as he is, hasn’t made a single step of progress in all this time. the only thing he does is call in bewildered desperation after anthy as she finally leaves him behind, still totally clueless as to what has happened. 

tldr; i once saw an author say one of her characters represents inertia, in fact he is inertia. i think that’s a spot-on explanation of akio, at least in terms of what he symbolizes in the story. i want to beat him in the dick with a cactus

[wouldyoustilllovemeifiwasacar]

Help me figure out some ep 37 stuff keeping me up at night please

I'm mostly thinking about her ring and the shredded end of the world letter.

Episode starts with her, presumably having stayed up contemplating all night, alarm goes off Utena takes off her ring and drops it carelessly. But why?

I personally don't believe that she blames Anthy for what she saw, I have my reasons that I'm happy to discuss at another time, just for context this is where I'm coming from.

The ring is supposed to symbolize her nobility and to her, her connection to the prince so could her takig her ring off then mean she doesn't care about the prince anymore? We do see Touga later remark that she isn't going for the prince, she's going for Anthy. I also wonder if she takes it off because she feels like she's failed to protect Anthy like she swore she would. She's kept fighting the student council members who wouldn't see her as a person, then the black rose duelist who sought to kill her, she thought she'd won too and no one would try to take Anthy again only to discover that the real threat was under her nose the whole time and it can't be fought by knocking a rose off his chest and they can't ask for help because they have no one to turn to that can help them. This makes sense to me but I'm curious to hear other thoughts. If this is the case though, Utena takes the ring off in defeat, not in scorn.

Anthy presents her with a letter from End of the World. She says that her brother loves her too and she wishes they could stay like this forever. Utena rips the letter up and scatters the pieces all around the room. It can look like she's lashing out at Anthy, but I'm not sure I think so, I think she seems more like she's lashing out at her situation but it puzzles me still. Her spoken goal was always to meet her prince again but we've seen that motive falter as she grows closer to Anthy and starts to almost remember her. She never wanted to revolutionize the world.

Maybe it's what Touga said when he talks to Akio about how she chose a real man over her fairy tale prince in a sense. Maybe she tears the letter up because Anthy is more important than her prince? Maybe she knows that she'll only find Akio if she goes. Idk but she's clearly upset and we see her do a lot of thinking this episode while barely sharing any of it.

Anthy tries to jump off the roof and Utena pulls her back. Is this in direct response to Utena taking the ring off and shredding the letter? The whole point of the duels is to free Anthy from her endless torture but the duelists don't know that, which would make sense then as Anthy is the one who's taped the letter back together so she must want her to go(but does she for her own sake of because of Akio though??). It's also after this that she's changed her mind about going back.

Idk, it seems less like a fall out/make up episode to me and more of a character's lowest moment type episode for both of them. If Utena takes the ring off and rips the letter means that she thinks she's failed to protect Anthy and realizing a paradigm shift where she doesn't care about the prince anymore, maybe then picking the ring and letter back up means she's willing to give it another try and this time solely for Anthy?

So much rambling, please pitch in with thoughts, I'm just trying to figure stuff out sorry about all the probably typos;v;

[amplexadversary]

More Utena. Ep 23, 24

holy shit we go from Mikage treating Utena as if she's Tokiko, to hey, Mamiya isn't showing up "in-person" anymore that's a break in pattern, to Mamiya actually looks completely different than he does in Mikage's mind, to actually, it would be "looked."

I guess that explains why the Mamiya that Mikage saw doesn't look anything like his sister.

That does not explain though why he looks like Anthy, Akio, and the Prince. It could be similar to the way that several duelists seem to be projecting someone else onto Anthy. Though I think maybe Mikage is projecting more onto the prince sitting atop whatever that "egg" is. The one who possesses Utena.

Now instead of a rebuilt hall that 100 people and a professor died in, the "memorial hall" remains nameless, and in ruins, and no one was hurt?

Wait, WHAT. Not!Mamiya is

We just went from a reveal of "Mamiya doesn't actually exist" to "actually, the fake Mamiya is real, but now we're implying Mikage somehow isn't," to "also, jsyk, Fake!Mamiya is actually Anthy????"

I guess that explains why she kept disappearing??? And why Not!Mamiya looks like Akio and Anthy. Does that mean Mikage's intent to "kill" her might have been forcing her to stay in the "Mamiya" persona indefinitely?

Also, Mikage "stopped time for himself" in a way that Akio could use??? That was kind of sandwiched in between other reveals but that's also weird??? I'm not sure if that's just referring to Mikage being delusional or if there's something else to it? Maybe in a way that explains some of the reality changing going on?

--------------------------------------------

After watching episode 24, I feel like I understand what's going on even less.

We've harkened back to some of the shadow chorus imagery we've seen before (the simian-hunting robot, the ufos), and learned that Tsuwabuki is one of those people writing cow tf on deviantart.

And that he's more stalkery than previously shown.

Normally with characters like these two who are both kind of creeps I'd be going "the two of you deserve each other, pair up," but... we kind of have demonstrable evidence that that wouldn't keep the awful behavior to each other.

Also Tsuwabuki is like, 10 (which is also kind of the reason why I feel more sorry for him than for Nanami. Like, they're both operating at a similar level of terrible decision making, but one of them has had more time to grow out of it than the other.)

[schrijverr]

Tomorrow Will Be Different 6

Chapter 6 out of 26

Instead of managing to meet up later, Oliver has to keep running with Akio. The only way to keep them safe is to go public with Oliver being alive, leaving him back home in charge of Akio, while Tatsu and Maseo are still in the wind

In this chapter, Oliver talks to his family for the first time in three years, slowly realizing what life might be like now.

On AO3.

Ships: none

Warnings: none

~~~

Chapter 6: Getting to Call Home

After their handshake, Lyla and Oliver work on his backstory. He tells her about Sara and how he borrowed from that and they work from there. Akio gets clued in too and Oliver leaves him with Lyla to practice the story while he gets his DNA taken to prove he’s Oliver Queen.

Letting Akio out of his sight still makes him anxious. He’s done it daily, but then he left him somewhere where no one knew where he was. Now he’s surrounded by people that can betray him at any turn. Lyla isn’t out the hot seat in his mind yet either, but she is the only person he has for now, so letting Akio stay with her for a second is the first step.

It doesn’t take them long to swab his mouth and bring him back to the conference room. Akio is entirely unharmed, nodding along to what Lyla says.

“Has Lyla been nice, Akio?” Oliver interrupts, making his presence known.

Akio’s eyes snap to him immediately and Oliver swears the kid relaxes slightly with him there. It does something to his chest that he doesn’t like to think about. Akio smiles: “She’s a better story teller than I thought.”

“That’s good, buddy,” Oliver smiles back, walking over and ruffling Akio’s hair, plopping down in the seat next to him, leaning back yet maintaining a good view of the room.

Lyla gets up, straightening herself out. “Akio is going to do just fine. I’ll have the embassy release a statement that it is you the second your results come in. An abbreviated version of your story will go out to the press along with it, but you’ll probably need to give a statement once you’re back in Starling.”

Oliver gives her a nod to show he understands.

“I’m trying to get Akio’s digital footprint altered to match the story. It might take a bit internally, but no one should find anything,” Lyla continues. “I am working on getting him the proper papers for you to take with him, but I have a lot to do. It would be great if you can ask your mother to start pulling strings too when you talk to her.”

“My… mother?” Oliver frowns, not sure where that comes from, anxiety curling up between his ribs once more.

Lyla frowns right back. Her voice is cautious yet professional as she replies: “Yes, I assume you’d want to speak to her. She’s been on hold with the embassy ever since the news broke. I had her blocked until I could get here, but you’re free to talk to her now.”

“Oh… uhm, yes, of course. I’ll- I’ll talk to her,” Oliver says, forcing a smile. He doesn’t know why talking to his mom seems to daunting. Two weeks ago he was so excited to actually speak to her again, to go home. Where is that feeling now?

A little awkward, Lyla says her goodbye, telling him she’ll get someone up here with a phone to call back.

Then she’s gone and it’s just him and Akio again.

Ever observant, the kid asks: “Why are you being weird about talking to your mom? Don’t you miss her?”

“I do, I do,” he says, because he does. He has dreamed so long of going home, of being back with her. And with Thea. It has kept him going on more days than he’d like to admit.

However, the idea of talking to her just seems like an impossible task, because he knows it will never be the same as it once was, no matter how badly he wants it to be. He has seen that they’re broken too and he knows that there is very little left of him. And he can’t hide that from them. Not entirely.

But at the same time, he will have to hide so much from them. About who he has become and what he has been through. None of it are things he can tell them. All he’ll be bringing home is a shell of their loved one and targets on their back, unless he’s not careful. He’ll be dragging up all sorts of things that all of them have tried to forget, rebreaking things that had mended. Creating new fractures that he might not be able to mend.

How does he explain that to Akio, who looks at him with those innocent, unbroken eyes, asking: “Then why are you being weird?”

Oliver scratches the back of his head, going for sheepish as he says: “Well, when I left, she told me not to do anything stupid. Stupid is kind of all I’ve been doing.”

Understanding appears on Akio’s face and he nods sagely, which makes Oliver smile genuinely. He agrees: “You have been kind of stupid. But I won’t tell.”

“Thank you, buddy,” Oliver says fondly, actually feeling a bit better about calling his mom.

Almost as if on cue, there is a knock on the door. Oliver immediately snaps to attention, putting a hand across Akio so that he can pull him back within seconds. Then he registers Naomi standing there, holding a phone.

He takes it with a slightly fake smile. The nerves he had just soothed come back in full force and the arm that had shot out to potentially protect Akio now turn into a half hug for support as he presses the right button and holds the phone to his ear, whispering: “Mom?”

“Oliver, is that- is that you?”

God, he was not ready to actually hear her voice again, speaking to him. Emotions wash over him and tears leak out of the corner of his eyes. “Yes, mom, it’s me. I’m alive.”

“Oh my beautiful boy,” his mom cries and he knows she must have tears on her face to match his own. “Is… Is your father a- a- alive?” she asks.

Oliver closes his eyes for a moment. Despite all he’s been through, this is one of the hardest things, he has ever had to do. “No. No, uhm, he- he and Sara… They- they didn’t make it.”

His mom starts crying audibly now and Oliver’s heart breaks as he listens to her. Unconsciously he hugs Akio closer, needing the closeness. He’s thankful Akio doesn’t protest, but instead leans into the touch. They’ve grown quite attached to each other, and as much as Oliver is there for Akio, Akio is also there for him, though in smaller ways.

It doesn’t look like his mom will stop crying, blubbering something about not being able to imagine what he must have been through.

Oliver isn’t sure how to proceed or what to say. He used to be so good with words, talking himself into whoever’s pants or out of trouble, but he hasn’t needed anything but his body in years, so he finds himself very lost.

Fortunately, he doesn’t have to find a solution, because Moira’s crying grows softer and a new voice comes over the line. “It’s damned good to hear your voice, man. Your mom needs a moment, she’s been doing everything since the news hit. Just tell me what you need and I’ll take it off her plate.”

“Tommy Merlyn,” Oliver finds himself grinning.

“The one and only,” Tommy replies back, grin also audible in his voice. “Normally I’d say don’t wear it out, but I’ll make an exception for you.”

“You’re gonna regret that,” Oliver jokes. Talking to Tommy has always been the easiest, no matter what. Even a kidnapping and three years of distance haven’t changed that. It’s a nice reprieve from talking to his mom.

“I doubt that,” Tommy says. Then he turns more serious: “But are you good there? They’re taking care of you?”

“We have food, central heating and I’m pretty sure we can get a shower soon. That’s already a lot, man,” Oliver says. “I’m good, I just need you to do something for Akio.”

“The kid?” Tommy asks, sounding surprised.

Oliver can’t blame him for that, but he’s already going to be different, might as well throw himself into being responsible. He’s not letting Akio down, nor Tatsu and Maseo. “Yeah. I’m looking after him until his parents are rescued too. I need you to pull all the strings you can so he can come back with me. I have temporary guardianship, but it’s nothing official with a judge. Hard to come by when you’re a prisoner.”

He can tell by the pained noise that his attempt at a joke hasn’t landed. Though, it’s entirely possible that the idea of him being a guardian of anyone is enough for someone’s body to try and strangle itself.

“Oh. Wow. You’re serious about the kid, huh?” Tommy’s voice still sounds a little like he’s choking, but he’s obviously trying to keep the sheer disbelief out of his tone. He’s unsuccessful, but Oliver appreciates the attempt.

“Yeah, I am,” he says, because there is no other answer to give. “Can you do it?”

“I mean, if you’re sure…” Tommy is obviously giving him room to back out.

“Tommy. Can you do it?”

His tone must have been stern enough, because Tommy replies: “Yeah, I can do it.”

“Good. Thank you,” Oliver smiles victoriously. “His name is Akio Yamashiro. Do you want me to spell that for you, so you can write it down? He doesn’t have a passport right now and he’s from Japan. He’ll need a visa and some documents. I’m sure I can ask someone here for a good picture to use, if you need it.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” Tommy says, sounding a little overwhelmed. Oliver doesn’t blame him, he was also very overwhelmed when he found himself responsible for Akio out of the blue. He can’t imagine having to deal with bureaucracy about it and is glad to shove that onto Tommy.

He gives Tommy all the information he has and can give, before the other repeats how good it is to hear from him. Then they say their goodbyes, with Tommy saying he’ll give the phone to Thea so he can catch up with her too.

If possible, he feels more anxious about speaking to Thea. However, all the anxiety washes off of him when he hears her exclaim: “Ollie!”

“Speedy,” he feels himself grin. He hasn’t said that in forever.

Akio frowns and says: “Your sister is named Speedy?”

Oliver covers the mic for a second and says: “She’s named Thea, I just call her Speedy. Like I call you buddy sometimes. It’s a nickname.”

“That is a weird nickname,” Akio says.

“Maybe,” Oliver shrugs.

“Ollie? Are you still there? Who are you talking to?” Thea’s voice pulls him back to the phone. He can talk with Akio about the strangeness of his little sister’s nickname later.

“I’m here, Thea. I’m here,” he assures her.

“God, Ollie. I can’t imagine what you must have been through. But I knew you couldn’t be dead, I just knew,” she cries.

He gets the feeling he’ll hear something along the lines of that quite often in his future, but he doesn’t even care. His baby sister is talking to him. She’s okay. Alive. After seeing her in Starling and hearing Amanda’s threats, he can’t help but be relieved she’s alright.

“I’m also glad I’m not dead,” he says. “And I’m okay, really. I want to know how you are. Is everyone alright? Is mom?”

“Mom is okay, just overwhelmed. It’s nearly four in the morning here,” Thea answers. “We had to wait all night to talk to you.”

Oliver cringes slightly. He never wanted to put them through that. “I’m sorry. We needed to give our statements, before they let us speak to you. They wanted to know what happened so they can start finding Akio’s parents and the others on the ship.”

“What… What happened to you?” Thea asks softly, as if the lack of volume will make the question less loaded.

“A lot,” he answers after a moment. “I’ll tell you when I get home, okay, Speedy? I’ve had a crazy day and I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

Thea sounds reluctant as she says: “Okay…”

“Thank you,” he replies, sounding as sincere as he feels. He doesn’t want to go into anything, real or fake. He hopes to avoid it as much as he can and them respecting that would be great. “Now tell me about something boring. Something mundane. How was school today? Do you still wear your hair in pigtails?”

“Oh god, don’t remind me of the pigtails,” Thea giggles, complying with his request for some normality.

His mom feels up to it after a bit and Thea puts it on speakerphone, allowing the three to catch up for an hour or so.

Oliver manages to get into it as time passes and they move away from topics related to him. It is almost like he never left and the three of them are watching a movie together while Robert Queen is out on a business trip. They always used to do that to cheer mom up.

However, his good mood is instantly replaced by worry when he feels and hears Akio start crying next to him. He interrupts Thea’s story with a: “I’m sorry, give me a second guys,” then mutes his part of the conversation.

He jostles Akio gently from where he is leaned against him and softly asks: “Hey, buddy, wanna tell me what got you down? Why are you crying?”

“I- I- I miss my parents,” Akio sobs, tears coming fully now.

Oliver’s heart clenches at the confession. It must be hard on the kid, listening to Oliver reconnect with his mom, while Akio’s parents are still out in the wind. Oliver feels the guilt welling up inside of him. He’d gotten so lost in his own joy that he forgot about Akio. He can’t let that happen again.

“Of course you do, Akio. That’s only natural,” he says, pulling the boy closer and wiping his tears away with his dirty sleeve – they really need to find a shower soon. “You can be upset about missing them, but Lyla is going to do all she can to find them, yeah? You won’t have to miss them for long.”

“Are you sure?” Akio asks, voice still wobbling and new tears replacing those Oliver had wiped away.

“Yeah, buddy, I’m sure. You and I, we’re going to go on that vacation to my city early and your parents are going to join us the second they can,” he tells him. “Being separated is hard, but they would never just leave you. It might take a while, but you’ll see them again.”

“Promise?”

“I promise,” Oliver nods, hoping desperately that he can keep it.

He can still hear his mom and sister over the phone, asking what is happening, but he knows he’s going to have to cut it short. He can reconnect all he wants when he gets home. Right now he has to get Akio clean and into a bed, today’s excitement has obviously wiped him out, both physically and emotionally.

“I’m still here,” he says, picking the phone back up and taking it off mute. “Me and Akio are going to shower and sleep a little. We’re exhausted. And, by the sound of it, so are you guys. I’ll talk to you when I can. Okay?”

It’s clear neither his mom nor his sister are very happy with that, but he works steadily through the goodbyes, before hanging up.

Once that is done, he gets Akio to his feet, saying: “Come on, Akio. Let’s see if Naomi can get us a proper shower and clothes. You are starting to stink.”

The jab is weak, but Akio manages a watery smile at it, jabbing back: “Are you sure it is not you that you are smelling.”

“Probably,” Oliver grins, slinging an arm around Akio’s shoulder and leading him out of the room. He’s not perfect, but he’s starting to get the hang of this whole being responsible for someone thing… He thinks at least.

[carbootsoul]

omg please talk about saionji and utena and i want to know ur thoughts

ack anon i am. kissing u on the mouth rn thank u so much for asking !!! a fair warning before i write anything else: i have a stupid and inexplicable amount of affection for saionji kyouichi and this response will probably be kinda biased toward being understanding of him. don't get me wrong he is still very much a bad person throughout a lot of the series BUT he's also 17. anyway this got long bc i have many thoughts so its under the cut

my big thought about the two of them is that they're foils for each other! both to illustrate utena's good qualities and to point out what went wrong with saionji.

the main place we see similarities between them is their feelings toward both anthy and touga. saionji and utena are the only duelists to duel FOR anthy as a person rather than the power she wields. they're also the only two people that touga ever expresses unguarded affection toward, the only people with him in the church scene, the only people who reject him (other than nanami, whose rejection is more complex imo), and the two targets of his manipulation in season one. wakaba refers to them both as her prince and they both express at least the potential to be friends with her, they're both dragged into some kind of relation with akio through someone they're close with (saionji only for a few short scenes but the camera one does make me a little queasy), they're the only duelists to lose a duel and then rechallenge the winner. they're also the only characters to be "expelled" (not quite textually in utena's case, but the girls at the end of the last episode speculate that she was expelled for "getting in trouble with the chairman"). finally there are some vague thoughts i have about saionji's rose being a very pale green, which is a complimentary color to pink (while his hair is a deeper green, mirroring touga's red hair).

in terms of their personalities being similar it's mostly just the fact that they're both jocks and they both do the baffled face a lot which i think is fun from them both :) same 'interacting with nanami ever' expression. the two BIG things they have in common personality wise is their tendency to insist that their view of the world (especially!! their view of what is good for anthy) is correct, and obliviousness (especially to their privilege and the way it acts on other people, especially anthy). utena grows out of both those things, though, and they're two of her main points of character development throughout the series.

obviously, the differences between them are quite a bit more obvious. saionji is mostly used (especially at the beginning of the series) to contrast utena and to provoke her into protecting anthy. he's abusive, controlling, and cocky where she is... just cocky, and only sometimes. saionji is less aware of 'adult things' than utena (in some ways he's more childish than nanami- the scene that comes to mind is the one with the exchange diary, where utena worries that saionji is making sexual advances and saionji obviously has no idea what she's thinking. tbh i hold that saionji didn't really know what sex was before his car scene which is both funny and v upsetting to me). saionji is unwilling or unable to change the parts of himself that harm other people (or unaware of the effects of his actions) whereas utena, throughout the series, constantly does her best to be a better person and i love her so. so much. not-prince of my heart. also he has green hair and she has pink hair :) also he sucks so bad

anyway now that i've established their similarities and differences, here's the heart of my argument!! at their core, utena and saionji are very similar people (the church flashback rly illustrates this imo but maybe thats just bc children r all similar) but, because saionji grew up with power that utena didn't, he's. uh. who he is. (his eyes are purple, a color associated with akio's control. akio.. uh. patriarchy man.)

saionji's role in the show isn't just as the personification of rape culture, but as a statement on what the patriarchy DOES to teenage boys who don't notice their privilege. he is quite obviously less aware of his power than touga or akio are (they both use sex as a power tool, and both take advantage of the fact that they, as men, have power in most situations. saionji also takes advantage of this but it seems much less conscious on his part- again the scene with the exchange diary comes to mind. he is looming over utena-as-anthy but not in an attempt to scare her, but just bc he's found that when he is big and tall, people do what he want). this is shown especially in what we see of saionji when he's staying with wakaba! he's a much better person when he doesn't have this institutional power as close to his fingertips, even when he's unaware of this lacking. he goes back to being a douche the second he leaves, to, which is where his personal problems come into play.

saying that saionji is how he is just because he was born into privilege is way more forgiving of him than the narrative is or i would be, because the other bit that contrasts him with utena is his unwillingness to see or acknowledge his privilege. the fact that he's unaware of the bits and pieces of society that come together to give him that power over anthy doesn't absolve him, because he still takes advantage of the fact that he can do whatever he wants to her and he never tries to understand why. he sees that if he's engaged to anthy she will love him unconditionally (what he's looking for throughout the series) but he never tries to connect the dots between the power he has over her and the fact that she says she loves him. a scene that i think is rly interesting is the one in touga's last few episodes where touga and utena are talking and saionji comes and lies down in anthy's lap- it's such a small thing but i think it does a really interesting job summarizing his character! he actively seeks out affection/the love he wants from anthy and, because of the power he wields, she gives it to him. he's content with this, because he refuses to see the power dynamics that make her let him nap with his head in her lap. he allows himself to keep the safe blanket of his privilege, even when it hurts everyone else. utena sees that she has power as the rose bride's fiance and she (eventually) works against the powers that be to change that.

anywayyy that was a lot lol and im not sure it makes a ton of sense??? but those r what i've been thinking about! really it boils down to like. saionji would be a much better person if he took a feminist theory class with a completely open mind. and then he and utena could be friends :) the other thing it boils down to is that both utena and saionji's best and worst characteristics are being stupid as fuck BUT utena tries to learn and saionji refuses to. thanks again for sending this ask!! i hope my response made some sense haha

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Akio’s Idea

CW: Some vague past noncon references, discussion of traumatic events, referenced minor whump, referenced Oliver being gross as shit - all vague, Akio Gets An Idea, modern slavery

(Lisa Huang appears in Teenage Dream)

“Thanks for driving down here, Lisa.” 

“No problem.” Lisa Huang pushes her glasses back up on her nose, sitting back in the hard plastic chair in the side room with its large conference table. The faint sounds of the gym are still audible here. Lisa’s got one ankle laid over the other knee, hands behind her head as she looks around. The heavy knit cap on her head is a deep saturated orange, the rest of her clothes a mix of faded gray and blacks. It makes her look, just a little, like she’s wearing a pumpkin on her head. “I needed to meet my sister for lunch some time this month, so I figured, two birds one stone. The drive down was really pretty, anyway. Wow, the gym has hardly changed at all, has it?”

“Not really.” Akio gives her a half-smile. He’s in his own casual clothes, just a hoodie over a t-shirt and jeans. He feels like she’ll see his heart beating, the way he shifts from foot to foot. Lisa was always good at reading people, better than Akio’s ever been, anyway. “New equipment, new kids, but… you know. You probably didn’t exactly get lost.”

“Ha! No. I could have walked to this room with my eyes closed.” She gestures at a large framed photo across the room, settled along a wall between two windows. “They haven’t even changed the team photo. We were, like, kids when we went there.”

Akio looks over his shoulder.

He’s right in the center of the photo, next to the old governor, smiling brightly for the camera. On either end of the line, their coaches. Spread throughout the center, all of them, a range of ages, wearing matching windbreakers and gym pants, smiling. All of them, smiling.

One of them, missing, presumed dead.

“Yeah, Mark’s still really proud of that, I guess.”

“I remember. That crusty old guy’s what got us the WRU sponsorship. Mark just about had a stroke when they wanted to do that whole marketing campaign with us.” Lisa laughs. Akio doesn’t. His nerves are shot, and he doesn’t want to make small talk about WRU. Not knowing what he knows. Not with who’s waiting in the hallway.

Lisa seems to pick up on his reticence. Her laughter fades, and she tilts her head, some of her black hair brushing along her shoulder. “Aki? What’s up, man? I haven’t talked to you in, like, six months and then you ask me to come down to the old gym and say it’s super important but you can’t say why on the phone. Talk to me, man. I don’t mind being here, but if you’re going to propose, I have some real bad news about how thoroughly I am not going to do that. Nothing personal, I don’t want that mess with anyone else, either.”

That does pull a laugh from him, and Lisa relaxes slightly. “Don’t worry, Lees, I’m not asking you to-... anything me,” Akio says, heading for the doorway to the conference room. His palms feel sweaty. His palms never feel sweaty. He can swing through the air and only feel the perfect rush of what his body can do, he can land on his feet, he broke an ankle once without a sound, but now… now he’s scared.

Scared of what he’s going to show her.

Scared of how she could react.

“I’m actually sort of dating someone,” Akio confesses, after a pause. “I mean. I think we’re dating.”

“Honestly, you not knowing if you’re dating someone or not is the most Nakamura thing I can imagine,” Lisa says cheerfully. “You haven’t changed much, either.”

Has he not? He feels like a whole different person since he found Tristan again. Like he’s aged ten years in a few weeks. A new anger burns under his skin, fury at grieving the loss of a boy who was never actually gone.

“What’s his name?”

Akio stops, hand on the doorknob, and turns to look over his shoulder at Lisa’s impish little grin. 

“Oh, fuck off, Aki, you think I didn’t know? We practically lived together at the gym. What’s his name? Is that why you wanted me here, to meet him maybe?”

“His name’s-... uh, his name’s Ben. He’s not here, but. Okay, so. There’s something I needed to show you today. I want to show everybody from the old group, but… but I wanted to start with you.” He can feel heat in his eyes, unfamiliar fear making his pulse thrum. Something in his expression makes her own smile fade.

Lisa Huang leans forward, dropping both feet to the floor. She watches him, dark eyes traveling over his face. “Aki? What’s wrong?”

Akio laughs, a little helplessly. “Just… so much is wrong, Lisa.”

“Talk to me, Nakamura. What’s going on?” Lisa’s concern is open, and genuine, and he can’t think of any way to answer except just to open the door, glancing to where Chris is waiting sitting on a bench in the hallway, and gesture him inside.

Chris comes in slowly - he’s nervous, too, and one hand grips tightly to the oversized plastic feather necklace he’s always wearing, rubbing his thumb over the carved vanes. He’d be less recognizable, Akio thinks, if he still had the long blue hair and not the short copper. As it is, he’s all giant green eyes and narrow chin, black compression shirt under a loose oversized blue one, black jeans, wearing his friend’s old black-and-white checked shoes. 

Lisa glances at him, and he’d be less recognizable, maybe, with blue hair, but Akio sees the color drain from her face as she takes in a man who is, as far as she knows, a very dead boy. She moves to stand, gets halfway up, drops back down into the seat again. “Aki-” Her voice catches, cuts off. “Akio, what-... who is-”

“Lisa.” Akio’s own voice is rough, staying close as Chris steps inside further, then stops. His thumb rubs at the plastic feather, his other hand curves over his stomach, gripping into the fabric of his t-shirt. “This is-”

“Tristan fucking Higgs.” Lisa cuts him off, getting to her feet again. “He’s-... Aki, Tristan’s-”

“A little less dead than we were supposed to think he was. This is, um. Christopher Stanton.” When Lisa looks at him, eyebrows furrowing, Akio shakes his own head in response. “He was Tristan Higgs. Our, our Tris-... but he ended up-”

“Lisa,” Chris says, suddenly, the name slotting into place in a mind where memories still slip and slide out of his awareness seemingly at will. They stick or they don’t, and Akio doesn’t know what makes the difference. His eyes light up, and he takes another two steps forward, then stops when Lisa flinches slightly back. “Lisa, um, Lisa… Lisa-... you, you, you you did, um, you did, you were good at the uneven bars, were, you you you-you… you wore the, the same ponytail holder every time you did a meet.”

Lisa’s eyes fill with tears, the glitter of them visible even across the room, and her hands come up to cover her mouth. “Oh my God,” She whispers. She sits back down, but it’s more like her legs simply stop working, dropping so heavily the chair creaks beneath her. She keeps whispering, oh my god, oh my god, over and over, her face ash-gray, her eyes locked on Chris’s face. 

“Wha-... what…” Lisa takes in a breath, and then another, and Chris moves closer to her, bit by bit. Neither of them is able to close the last foot or so of distance, and Akio watches them, his own lips pressed together into a thin line. He’d expected her to deny it, to call this a joke, to call Chris an impostor, but-

Lisa was the one closest to Tris, other than him.

Lisa remembers him well enough to see him in the older, more angular face in front of her, knows him well enough to hear in his speech and the way his fingers tap carefully on his own skin - finger-twist tap tap tap - that it’s Tristan, through and through.

“What happened to you?” Lisa manages. She sounds like she’s choking on the words.

Chris rocks a little, uncertainly, his eyes drifting to look to the windows, the walls, drifting over the framed team photos over the years. “My, my, my parents-... after-”

“I remember that. But you-... you had to go live with someone-”

“My, my aunt.” Chris’s eyes find the old photo of the team with the governor and lock on. His pale eyebrows come together a little, frowning. Something in his face goes distant. “She, she, she… she gave me up.”

Lisa looks at Akio, who nods. “It’s true, as far as I can tell. He went to stay with his mom’s sister, and then… WRU.”

“After he ran away?”

Akio swallows, and shakes his head. “He, uh. He says he never ran away.” He doesn’t mean to talk for Chris, but Chris is moving away from them, staring at the photo on the wall, wandering towards it and away from he and Lisa entirely. “She, uh. She sold him.”

Lisa jerks forward, as though she’ll be sick on the floor, and closes her eyes. “That’s not possible,” She says, in a low voice. “That can’t be what happened. They would-... nobody would do that to someone, nobody would-”

“They did it to him. He didn’t even know who he was, Lees. They gave him a new name and did that thing where they take all his memories and they sold him to someone.”

Akio knows the look on Lisa’s face. Her mind is spinning, overwhelmed. He knows the feeling, he’s cycled through it a hundred times now, his body and brain working to understand that while he was crying in his bed missing his best friend, visiting his parents’ fucking graves to leave flowers for him, Tristan was locked up somewhere, not even knowing who he was.

“But WRU only takes people who sign up on purpose.” Lisa’s hands drop. Her mouth barely moves. There’s almost no sound to the words. 

Akio takes in a breath, glancing over at Chris, standing in front of the photo of the team at the governor’s mansion. “So, I asked, he says-... that’s a lie. They… steal people. Or people get given to them, like Tris was.”

“Who-... who did they sell him to?”

“Him. I was, was, was sold to him.”

The two of them look over to where Chris is pointing at the center of the photo. Akio moves over to him, Lisa pushing herself up to follow on his heels. 

Akio’s eyes follow the line of Chris's arm, to his index finger pressed just lightly against the glass covering the photo in the frame. Lisa jerks in a breath.

“You’re fucking kidding me,” She says, voice flat, almost empty, the emotions struggling to catch up to the pile of information building up. “That’s-... that’s the governor that got fucking murdered-”

“Right before he was supposed to testify against WRU,” Akio says, blinking. “I remember. Our coach was super pissed because of the publicity. He had some kind of bombshell something that was going to-... oh. Oh shit.”

If Chris hears either of them, he doesn’t show it. He just keeps looking at the man in the photo, tracing the line of his face with his fingertip. 

"Right there," Chris says. “I was there.” His voice is nearly drowned out by the sound of creaking, of shouting, of bodies in the air or on mats coming in through the open door. Behind them, out in the practice area, nothing changes. Everything is the same, with Tristan and without him. Life went on.

Life goes on.

Here, though, the silence draws out, as Akio and Lisa stare at Chris's fingernail, with a star sticker stuck to it, and at the photo of the old governor, the one who died, with his arm around Akio's shoulders. Here, time stands horribly still. 

"What do you mean-... you’d been… I mean, we had been told you’d, um, that you’d… you know-"

"Under the, the, the desk." Chris taps lightly on the glass. The desk was right behind them, in the photo. His finger is tapping just behind Akio's legs. "I was... right, right, right there. He, he, he, he liked that no one ever saw me. I was there.”

Akio looks at the smile on Governor Branch's face and remembers how his skin crawled at the man's too-friendly touch. How he’d kept asking questions about Tristan, pushing until Akio had gotten upset. How he’d joked with them and Akio had gone home and taken a shower that nearly burned him from the heat just to feel clean for reasons he couldn’t explain to himself. 

How the governor kept asking about Tristan.

"I'm going to be sick," He whispers. Akio Nakamura, smiling gymnast, is standing right in front of the fucking desk. Oliver's hand curved around the ball of his shoulder and he's leaning in and, oh god, they're all smiling, all of them.

Their coaches had been so happy for the photo op.

“Tristan-” Neither of them correct Lisa on the name. “Are you-... are you saying you were under the desk when this photo was taken?” 

Lisa’s in the photo, too. She’s off to the side, not really looking at the camera, smiling tightly. Lisa never liked photos, and she didn’t even want to go to the governor’s mansion that day. Her hair was longer then. 

“Probably. Some… sometimes he would, um, he, he, he would, he would… make me wait in his, his, his room.”

“Gross,” Lisa says, weakly. “How-... how old were you?”

Chris blinks. He’s lost, Akio thinks. Inside his head, inside the memories he can’t hold on to very well. Grasping on with slippery fingers to images and thoughts that someone will have to remind him of later. “They, they, they, they told me to say I-I was eighteen.” He presses his finger directly over Oliver Branch’s face, digging the flat of it in until a smudged fingerprint nearly obscures the man’s face entirely. “They beat me un, until I said it.”

“WRU did?”

Chris nods. 

“But you weren’t…”

“No.”

"Why would Governor Branch buy-... But why..."

"Too pretty," Chris whispers. "Too, too, too pretty for... for, um, for for anything else. He, he, he… wanted young." There's a healing wound on his forehead sure to scar and his green eyes are dark and Akio should move, before he throws up on the photo.

He can't. He keeps staring at the desk, like if he tries hard enough, he can step in and tell a younger version of himself Tristan isn't dead, he's right there, just look. Just look. Just look.

Tris was right there the whole time.

While Oliver Branch looked at Akio Nakamura like dinner laid out for him on a plate, he had Tristan under his desk, and when they left he probably pulled him out from under the desk and-

Akio has to turn away, then, jamming his hands into his hoodie pockets and walking away, to the window, breathing in and out as he stares at the cars in the parking lot outside. His blood rushes in his ears, pounds through his temples. His fingers pulse.

Behind him, Lisa asks Chris about his life now, and he answers, in his familiar stammer that Akio had missed so much when he had to live without it. He talks about his brother, going to college.

All of it is-... good, that Tristan rebuilt, that he has people now, a family. But he had a family then, one he should never have had to lose. 

Akio has to let them talk, because he’s afraid if he opens his mouth he’ll start screaming.

How many people has this happened to? Akio knows the company line. People disappear into WRU sometimes, running from debt or criminal charges or homelessness, and they get a whole new life. 

But he knows the other side of it now, too. He knows Chris - he knows his dead best friend was never dead at all. He knows what happened to him. He’s met a houseful of others - Chris’s older brother with a pretty smile who told him none of us ever want it, not really. The other quiet brother who has a scar on his neck he won’t talk about. The others who stared at him when he came over, terrified to get close to him, scared he’d turn them in.

Akio has started looking at the street kids he sees sometimes and wondering who ran away from WRU and who’s going to end up there. 

He’s started to wonder if it has to be that way at all. 

When he trusts his voice again, he says, “Did-... did WRU know you were-... weren’t willing-” It’s stupid, he knows better, but he wants - he wants so badly - for it to have been some kind of terrible misunderstanding. If it is, he tells himself, he can pull back from this.

If it is, he can focus on Tristan, he can walk away from the rest. 

“They, they, they call us ‘underagers’,” Chris says, and he still doesn’t look away from Oliver Branch’s face. “We, we, we have special rooms. They… know. We’re... we, we, we... we sell for more. After I, I waas rescued they, um, they they they sent people once. To take me back. My, my, my brother kept me safe.”

Akio feels a rush of heat that threatens to burn him alive in his own fury. WRU has been giving the team money and marketing opportunities and bullshit since-... since they met the governor, who had been the one to hook them up with WRU in the first place, and… and the whole time he’d known what happened to Tristan, he was what happened to Tristan, Governor Branch and his oily fucking voice and his stupid jokes and he had Tristan the whole time.

WRU knew.

They know.

They’re still doing it, probably, hurting people like Chris, sending fucking SWAT teams after them if they get out. How many people are out there hurting like this?

There’s an idea that’s been building in the back of his mind. Foggy, barely-formed. But as his anger lights him up, Akio feels the pieces coming together. Speaking up, speaking out, telling people what happened to his best friend will probably ruin his career. It could ruin his life.

But there are a lot of people like Tristan Higgs whose lives are already ruined. A whole lot more whose lives will be if nobody ever stops it. 

If he’s going to speak out, he might as well make sure everyone is listening.

“Lisa, do you still speak to the girls from the Canadian team?”

She nods, frowning. “Yeah, I speak to a bunch of different people still. Why?”

Akio looks over at Chris, at Tristan Higgs’s face. The last day he saw Tristan was at his parents’ funeral, wearing an ill-fitting suit and rocking against the weight of grief, his aunt saying it’d be awhile before he could come back to practice.

He’d never returned.

Then the texts stopped, then his aunt said he’d run off, then she said they’d found his body. Then then then. One lie after another, so she could fucking sell him. So WRU could make money off someone who needed help, who Akio couldn’t hear crying for him, for someone, for anyone, to get him out of this. 

Akio turns back, and to Lisa and Chris he’s nearly a silhouette of darkness backlit by the light from outside. 

“What if we-... what if we make it so WRU can’t do this anymore?”

“How?”

“I have an idea. Just... what if we make it so nobody can ignore what’s really happening anymore?”

---

Tagging: @burtlederp , @finder-of-rings , @endless-whump , @whumpfigure , @astrobly @newandfiguringitout , @doveotions , @pretty-face-breaker , @boxboysandotherwhump  , @oops-its-whump  @cubeswhump ,  @whump-tr0pes  @whumpiary @downriver914 @vickytokio

[princeoftheroses]

Since you want asks, PLSSSE I want your Utena TH0ughts. WHAT is your favourite black rose episode? actually how do you feel about the black rose arc in GENERAL

black rose arc, black rose arc, oh black rose arc!!! by you adding how do i feel about the arc in general you are unleashed me to make a long post giving my very disorganized thoughts about this arc.

a couple of people call it a filler arc? i guess technically it is because it does not directly contribute to the main storyline and it wasn't in the manga and also the ending of the arc sort of makes it so the whole arc kind of didn't happen???

but also i think if a person labeled it as a filler arc they are kind of missing the point?? even if it doesn't contribute to the main plot (which it absolutely DOES but i'll get to that) it adds so much nuance to the characters of utena.

you get to see side characters and how they tick!! some of which like kozue and shiori become very important later as they become miki and ruka's rose brides in the akio arc! (side note : what was up with ruka he just kind of showed up and disappeared lmaooo)

also, it adds to akio! (tw warning for only the next paragraph, i'm talking about akio so you can except me talking about grooming and abuse)

not only is this where akio is introduced, but he is always so omnipresent. it was ... honestly really terrifying to see how chill he acts with utena here. of course the real grooming begins in the akio arc but you can see how he starts here. how he kind of builds himself as anthy's cool older brother that utena can trust and ask for advice for... but we the audience know that he CANNOT be trusted as even know we see him being shady af in the background. i really feel like if we skipped straight from the first arc to akio arc a lot of the creepiness of akio would not have been realized because of ... just how NORMAL he akio acts to utena. he's charming, he's smart, and he overall is somebody utena SHOULD be able to trust bc we should all be able to trust an immediate family member of a best friend , but of course the world doesn't really work that way. anyway akio tangent over because BOOOOOO akio (he honestly terrifies me so much because of how many predators like that exist and you can meet without realizing their intentions)

BACK TO BLACK ROSE ARC

one of the main reasons i feel like this isn't a filler arc, at least not in the traditional sense of the phrase, is because it builds a lot character relationships. something that i didn't like when i first watched revolutionary girl utena but now is one of my FAVORITE things is that for a while we don't really get a straight forward utena/anthy episode. because their relationship doesn't need to build in an episode, it just slowly builds over time. we just see these two causally existing and they just start to trust each other.

in the akio arc we get to see just how close utena/anthy have gotten over the series because of their late night conversations. like how if the black rose arc didn't exist akio wouldn't have been as impactful, if the black rose arc didn't exist it would feel more sudden how close utena/anthy have grown imo.

this arc adds a lot to the world as well. as long as the students stay inside of school they will not grow. dead people wander the halls thinking that they are still alive. these two facts contribute a lot to utena theorizing and analysis (mainly, the ideas that ohtori exists within a plain of frozen time literally because of anthy's magic and metaphorically because the cast is very cozy in their coffin) and i could not thank this arc for that enough. not only are these very cool ideas that may or may not have inspired elements in my own story (i can neither confirm or deny that one of my oc story is heavily inspired by utena) but they just add so many layers!

this arc also felt necessary because of the new duelists??? if we went straight from the first arc to the akio arc then it would've kinda gotten very tiring to see the student council constantly duel and lose to utena (with the exception of touga's sole victory to utena in the first arc before she duels him again and wins) but these new duelists possessed by the black rose are very interesting!

if i did have to make a compliant about this arc, though, i will say that at times the stories felt very disconnected to each other. while it was very funny for utena to not even know who keiko was when she dueled her, it would've been nice if sometimes the arc of the black rose duelist intertwined more with utena. as the arc goes on, the student council is on alert and is trying to figure out where the black rose is coming from, but they never really try to ask utena about it and utena never really tries to get involved? she just is chill until she gets the note to go to the duel arena to fight the black rose duelist. i don't really have a solution on how to fix this? maybe have the student council member that the black rose duelist takes the sword from be more involved? idk.

the villain of this arc mikage also really fascinates me??? i... really like him??? but not even as a villain ... i just really pity him. the realization he has in his duel with utena that everything he has been doing is for nothing because mamiya is already dead .. that always really hit me? the horror in his voice when he starts to recall the truth in his false memories.... for some reason, this is one of the most terrifying parts of the show for me. the realization that something you were doing, something you were doing that might've been awful but you were doing it because of somebody you care about deeply and love, it was all for nought. how much time he has wasted...

even before his duel with utena, there's this moment when after he got punched by utena he says something like "if she hadn't seen my duelist ring and challenged me to a duel, she could've killed me" or something like that, he's just so pathetic and i feel very bad for him but at the same time am too disconnected to him to truly feel empathy for him... that's some TOP TIER shit

overall, this part of the show is one of my favorites. the only part i like more is the last few episodes because it makes me very emotional.

NOW FOR THE SPECIFICS

favorite black rose duelist: honestly? wakaba. the girl deserves it this is stress relief for her. not only is this duel very emotional as i don't think we've ever seen utena refuse to duel somebody (at least not in the way that she does in this episode) but just the SHEER emotion.

i'm a real sucker for fighting the person you care about the most which is why the dark signer arc in yugioh 5ds is the best yugioh arc and this just really takes the cake in this arc. utena always shows concern for the black rose duelist because they are clearly people in pain who were not able to properly duel with their grief which let mikage manipulate them, but it's taken to a new level here.

the way that after the duel is completed, wakaba comes home to her empty dorm where saionji used to be but now isn't always gets me. she's just such a lonely girl and that's never really resolved for her. a lot of the other duelists have a optimist note to end on (kozue asking miki for a milkshake, shiori and juri saying hello to each other as they walk past, keiko being friends with nanami again, etc.) which is why the fact that wakaba is more alone now then she is ever... it is a feeling i can relate to an almost embarrassing amount.

favorite episode: COWBELL OF HAPPINESS, NANAMI TURNS INTO A COW-

ANTHY YOU GLORIOUS TROLL-

favorite episode that isn't cowbell of happiness: i'm very torn between the landscape scaped by kozue and thorns of death. shiori and kozue are both very interesting characters that i like a lot. but i'm going to go with thorns of death for now, as while i really like the landscape scaped by kozue, i think my preferred miki/kozue episode is their episode in the akio arc. meanwhile i like thorns of death way more than i liked whispers in the arc (mostly because i just do not really care that much for ruka, but azure paler than the sky was a banger and he was in that?) i just loved the feeling of seeing shiori the girl juri loves so much and juri's reaction to seeing her. the way my heart was wrenched when black rose shiori mocks juri... it really did hit different. but the hopeful ending did make me feel a lot better. i do like the way that juri out of all the student council members is the one closest to self actualization and this really sets that up even if there is still a bumpy road until then.

honorary mention: the boys of the black rose and kanae as a black rose duelist are both really great. i feel like if this wasn't the arc opener it would've had more room to stretch its legs and show how horrific it could've been. kanae is a girl i feel really bad about and similar to wakaba, i don't really think her episode was a very optimistic ending for her especially since akio probably killed her later in the show?

honestly the minute akip appeared on screen, engaged to a girl who HASN'T EVEN GRADUATED and is also emotionally manipulating her so much and having his little sister manipulate her too... throw the whole man away

tl;dr - the black rose arc is very good and i like it a lot, the ending of the arc really fucks me up, somebody give mikage & all the black rose duelists therapy, throw akio in the garbage, and this show probably exists in some sort of time loop / frozen time space as a metaphor for the whole coffin thing but you can probbaly find people smarter than me talking about that.

oh and go rewatch cowbell of happiness it's great

[horse-girl-anthy]

Anthy as a Personification of Cruelty

short essay under the cut

both Enokido and Ikuhara have spoken of Anthy as a symbol of reality, or character used to signal that reality is entering the drama. as reality is cruel, Anthy must be cruel, and she is aware of many cruel realities. she is the rose, the beautiful and short-lived flower, which grows in tandem the cold thorn of disillusionment.

it's not a mistake to read Anthy as having personal feelings; in fact, much of the anime is about uncovering and allowing her to express personal feelings. even though she is often ambiguous and remote, the audience is clearly given glimpses into her worry, fear, despair, unhappiness, and pain, as well as love, hope, and desire for connection. what makes the characterization so compelling is that in tandem with Anthy-the-character operates Anthy-the-symbol, or Anthy-the-plot-device. the story revolves around her humanization and freedom from the narrative, yet within each script, Anthy is used like a puppet to keep the story moving forward.

Akio is a similar character, and at first, it seems they are serving the same aim of bringing reality into the drama, as Akio shows the duelists "the End of the World." a less interesting show would have stopped with him. it could have been a story about how the world is a corrupt place, the strong take advantage of the weak, and at the end of the day, that's all there is. but at the true "End of the World," the end of the show, who does Utena find? Anthy. Akio kept everyone running in circles; Anthy brings the system crashing down. why is this?

I think that Akio represents "false reality," while Anthy represents "true reality." in a way, they are both stunted and immature, but Anthy, by her very being, her knowledge of the Swords of Hate, is beyond Akio; she has an alien, unimaginable perspective, due to truly knowing what suffering means. Akio doesn't suffer on an profound level, he's just driven himself to self-pitying madness. basically, he's making Anthy's problems about him and his failure to be the prince.

so Akio is the false god who keeps his adherents dazzled by false enlightment, but can't impart true change; in fact, he resists it. resisting change is also a part of the growth process. perhaps Anthy and Akio are siblings because they both must "work their magic" for the narrative to play out. the "false maturity" stage presented by Akio may be the necessary prescedent to Anthy's "true reality." however, as Akio demonstrates, it's possible to just stay in false adulthood forever. Akio refused to touch Anthy's true self, or the swords that plagued her (unless he could use them for his own power). he wouldn't share her suffering; he was afraid of the cruelty she embodied.

the show is essentially about Utena and the other characters moving closer and closer to awareness of suffering, often represented through Anthy, but eventually swallowing up Utena. the final conversation of the Student Council focuses on the cruelty, coldness, and unfairness of the world, which they know will fall upon the selfless.

the cruelty that Anthy embodies is not malevolent when seen this way. it is something that must be faced in order to truly grow up. it hurts to experience it, but it is in fact is the only way to leave Ohtori. Anthy ushers in both Mikage and Utena's difficult graduations, for instance. she is hated for the truths she carries, but her cruelty is not without purpose. she cannot see a world beyond her suffering, but without her, there would be no way to reach that other world. this is because suffering is inherently a part of life, along with many other cruelties, such as separation and death.

I'll end with a quote from my favorite novel, Tehanu: "he would learn [pain] again and again, all his life, and forget none of it. And therefore he would not [...] do the easy thing to do." this perhaps gets at the core of the issue: Akio does the easy thing, the thing that costs him nothing, because he does not know pain. Anthy has to bear pain alone, and so her world revolves around her suffering. Utena learns pain and will never turn her eyes away from it again, and Anthy, no longer alone, can step into a world with a future. true maturity is reached in communion with others, and a true adult is someone who can take in the world as it is and continue living. heroically and with style, when possible.

[transmascutena]

okay so i love drawing parallels between characters -- and i especially love drawing parallels between characters who seemingly have nothing in common -- and in a show where every character is a mirror of one another, i think kozue and utena might be the two who are the least alike. so i wanna talk (ramble) about them.

what does it mean that kozue and utena both have an injured ankle on their 'date' with akio?

i think it has something to do with restricted movement meaning restricted agency.

utena's injured ankle means she can't walk on her own, which means she would not be able to escape her situation if she wanted to. kozue on the other hand can walk, and chooses to go in the car, but i think they're both ultimately in a similar situation of believing they have more agency than they do in their relationships with akio.

kozue is more convinced of this because she's used to using romance and sexuality to get what she wants. she believes that she is using akio just as much as he is using her, and is fine with that arrangement (this is, i think, similar to touga's mentality. they both believe they're getting something out of their relationships with akio, which is why they stay.) but, of course, no matter how nefarious your intent is, it will never make up for the power imbalance between a child and an adult.

utena is... well it's more complicated. i don't think she's at all aware of what she wants, and she certainly does not think that akio is using her. (if anything she might think she's using him, and feels guilty about it.) she doesn't stay despite the abuse, she stays because she doesn't know about it. kozue knows akio is a bad person and doesn't care -- utena thinks he's a good person. akio takes advantage of both of these things in a pretty similar way. he makes all of his victims think that they are entirely in control of their own actions, even when they aren't. he makes kozue believe she is just as selfish as he is, and he makes utena believe that everything he does to her is her own fault. both of these things also conviniently serve to make sure neither of them ever tell anyone. (not entirely true. kozue does tell miki on his car ride, but it doesn't end up mattering at all)

then there's how they each got their injuries. utena's was either directly or indrectly akio's fault, depending on interpretation, whereas kozue's came from a decision she made that had nothing to do with him. i think this mainly reflects that kozue is not part of akio's plan in any significant way, whereas utena obviously is. he needed to personally restrict utena's agency, whereas he only took advantage of the way kozue has limited her own agency via the choices she makes (and the structure she lives in that pressured her into said choices, of course. i hope i don't sound like i'm victim blaming.) this again ties into kozue being able to walk despite her injury where utena can't -- kozue is much more free to leave her situation.

[meikoxia]

30 Days of VnC: Day 19

19. What crossover would you love to see?

1. Shoujo Kakumei Utena.

I have the problem that everything I see, I related to SKU.  Especially if it is about the deconstruction of the victims, leaving them to see as white lotuses and showing real people who are affected by the impotence of their situation (If I remember correctly, the phrase "white lotus" comes from China, and is used to refer to a character who suffers from many difficulties and injustices, but who still manages to maintain a pure and innocent personality, without any hint of evil. Just like the white lotuses that are born from the mud but rise to the surface.  They put a name to this stereotype, so I can criticize it cruelly).  I think it would be very interesting to explore the personality of the characters but from the SKU perspective.

 And actually I don't know if maybe Jun didn't make references to this anime.  After all, Anshy and Jeanne's clothes are half similar.  Both cause you to mistake them for weak or sexually pure characters when they are just the opposite.  At least on Facebook, there were several people who believed that Jeanne would no longer be a strong character just for blushing at Vanitas' harassment.  A clear sample of an ideology "show your emotions = weakness".  Both are completely controlled by an authority that everyone considers to be a good person (Ruthven / Akio).  They both have relationships with people who unconsciously use them to feel superior.  Vanitas doesn't need to explain, but I think Domi and Lucas do too.  They are both in positions where they have no decision-making power, mainly because of their lack of knowledge about the complicated aristocratic world, and feel inferior about it.  They think that pretending they don't have this weakness keeps them safer, and then they saw someone who believed them.  Since Jeanne is kind and did not hide her weaknesses, they believed that she was defenseless and should protect her "innocence".  But not showing her the filth of the world is plunging her into ignorance.  By showing her a sweetened reality, they don't let her out of their control.  They also don't risk stepping out of their comfort zones and therefore less allow Jeanne can do.  But since they are not cruel, they believe that they are correct.  They are not bad people, but this is not right.  They do not ask for her opinion and idealize her.  Neither of them came up with the idea that Jeanne could enjoy going for a walk and eating, they also assumed that she was more shy than she really is.  In fact, therein lies Vanitas' mistake.  Although he wanted to feel superior to vampires, at no time did he want to guide her to her ideology, he did not try to hide how ugly the world is and it did occur to him to resort to the things that she likes, although it was only by manipulation.  He probably has the same caring opinion as Domi and Lucas, only he decided not to follow that in order not to form strong bonds.  That is the mistake that makes Noé and Jeanne stick to him like gum.

 Itself, the whole dark side of Anshy is very similar to that of Vanitas.  All that obsession with control and taking advantage of others.  But they both do this because they feel weak and don't want admitted.  They are angry and resentful, but at the same time want someone to save them, they just don't consider themselves worthy of it.  Much less will they explain why.

 Finally, I also see things from Utena in Domi and Noé.  Just as Utena helped Anshy of her ego, Dominique does that with Jeanne.  Both seek to imitate someone who left a great impression on them, but do not question whether that is healthy.  Both believe that they either act strong or act feminine, they cannot find a middle ground where they feel comfortable.  They are both protective of the people they love.  And Noé, he and Utena looks like the noblest but they do not reach the unrealistic extreme expected of them.  Both constantly ask themselves what is right.  Both are innocent but seek to help and mature.  They are both brave.

So I think that a clossover in which both groups interact or in which the VnC characters live in the SKU world would be very interesting.  Even one in which Utena and Anshy stay a few days in the same hotel as Vanitas and Noé.  At least, when the end of the manga will arrive, I want to make an analysis relating them.

2. Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-Kun

Another clossover I can think of is with Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-Kun.  Put the characters, normal, but in that school.  So Nozaki looks for inspiration for a new manga and chooses them.  And he write Jun's omake from the School AU.  I would love to.  Let him ask Domi and then she tell him to write about Jeanne and Noé, but it seems to Nozaki that they both spend more time with Vanitas so he chooses him.  He also changes Dante's gender to make her a gossipy best friend.

[seasaltmemories]

Utena/Anthy

General:

Rate the Ship -  Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - After all they went through with Ohtori I’m a sap who likes to think they grow old together

How quickly did/will they fall in love? -I think Anthy was the first to feel a spark after Utena’s rematch against Touga, she didn’t truly accept it as love though until she had to watch Akio seduce her.  I think Utena was always attracted to Anthy/found her pretty but suppressed that shit down, more romance started to bloom near the end of the Black Rose arc and being the dumb jock she is, I don’t think she knew she loved her until the final episode

How was their first kiss? - Sloppy and kinda gross, but the cherry on the top to their reunion

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Utena, but Anthy is the first to bring it up

Who is the best man/men? - maybe Miki if by then they had reunited after Ohtori and he had grown out of his possessiveness, can definitely see this spot staying empty though

Who is the braid’s maid(s)? - Wakaba definitely, Juri maybe, Nanami if and only if after Ohtori they’ve rekindled an actual friendship

Who did the most planning? - I feel like it was a joint thing they were both kinda useless about in different ways, Utena had to initiate for any plans to get made, but when it comes to making decisions, it was Anthy who did most of that

Who stressed the most? - Utena bc I think Anthy would just be apathetic about the actual ceremony

How fancy was the ceremony? - Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big. (After all the stress got to them they settled on a courtroom marriage but they still got dressed up and had a small, private reception afterwards)

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - Akio

Sex:

Who is on top? - Switch often

Who is the one to instigate things? - At first for anything to get done, Anthy had to pin down Utena herself, afterwards Utena tends to start things physically most often but Anthy still uses innuendo and teasing to put the idea in Utena’s head

How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? -I think they take their time and are lazy about it, they’re less interested in reaching an orgasm and more enjoy just the exploration and play of it

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? -they’re very insistent on making sure the other orgasms yet are likely to let things slide for themselves

How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory. (At every chance they get they like to hold hands)

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - 0

How many children will they adopt? - I don’t see them having kids in general but for the purpose of this meme, through some fairytale manner they find/get stuck with one

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? -Anthy takes care of them without a word

Who is the stricter parent? - they have the same set of rules, but Anthy is a lot harder to manipulate and fool

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - Utena bc Anthy is just confident in herself that if worst comes to worst she can keep them from dying.

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - Anthy

Who is the more loved parent? - both are well loved, but I think Utena would def be the “fun” parent/good cop

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? Utena would try to go to a few, and whenever she makes an appearance all the other moms swoon

Who cried the most at graduation? - Utena

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Anthy bc as long as you don’t bring her specific rules she is cool with most things (still returning to Anthy after breaking one of her rules would not be a pleasant experience)

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - Over time Anthy can make decent meals but still specializes in snacks and deserts so Utena picks up the other half

Who is the most picky in their food choice? -Utena

Who does the grocery shopping? - Anthy

How often do they bake desserts? - Often Anthy is experimenting with another new recipe

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? -Utena is very much a carnivore, Anthy has little preference but is much more willing to go with a salad

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Anthy

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Utena if it is her turn to cook and she is tired

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? -Utena is more clumsy, Anthy’s mistakes are more explosive

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - Anthy

Who is really against chores? - Utena knows they’re important but can have a procrastinating streak

Who cleans up after the pets? - Anthy

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - Utena

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Utena bc that is when her motivation kicks in

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Anthy is more likely to clean up the loose change

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Anthy, it is one of the small luxuries she comes to allow herself

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - Utena, they run together

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - they don’t go crazy but try to make things festive for major holidays

What are their goals for the relationship? - to be happy together for as long as they can

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - Utena

Who plays the most pranks? - Anthy in her subtle way

[totally-normal-boy]

Utenalysis #1: Utena ISN’T Dumb

Every Revolutionary Girl Utena fan has heard jokes about how Utena is dumb. Most of us have made our fair share of them as well. However, However, even though she is an innocent character with a (sometimes frustratingly) optimistic attitude, she is not stupid. She’s an intelligent teenage girl being deceived by two very skilled manipulators who have exploited her desire to be part of a family. Anthy and Akio are actively discouraging her from asking questions about her situation, just like society actively discourages people from questioning unfair systems. To say that Utena is stupid oversimplifies an interesting character who is just as complicated as the rest of the cast.

In the Student Council Arc, Utena demonstrates that she is a clever person. At the beginning of the series, she asks perceptive questions that show she is looking for the right sort of information to help her figure out what is going on in the duels. In the second episode, she asks Anthy how she could be involved in the duels but still not know how they worked. This shows that she was suspicious about Anthy’s role in the duels, but she doesn’t get the answers she needs because Anthy deflects the question in two ways. First, she asks Utena why she wears a boys’ uniform, which Utena responds to by saying “because I like it." But then, after that, Anthy asks Utena if she’s bothered by having her and Chu Chu around, which leads her to introduce Chu Chu to Utena. This is not one, but three, different manipulation tactics. Anthy makes Utena come up with the answer to her own question, then she makes her feel guilty for asking it in the first place, and last she distracts her with a silly monkey.

However, even as Anthy discourages Utena from asking questions about the dueling games by giving her vague and confusing answers, Utena tries to use logic and reason with Anthy. From episode 3 up until episode 12, Utena tries to encourage Anthy to make more friends. This is a combination of her desire to give herself a sense of self-worth by “saving” Anthy and a projection of her own desire to be less lonely. To do this, Utena tries to be straightforward when talking with Anthy. In episode 3, she tries to explain to Anthy how her lack of friends is a problem instead of just dragging her along to the school dance. This is presumptuous of Utena because she is imposing her values onto Anthy. However, it does show how Utena is not completely oblivious. She is intelligent enough to understand that she needs to engage with Anthy's opinions.

Utena proves that she's smart in an academic sense, along with just an interpersonal sense in episode 4. In this episode, Wakaba tells Utena that she usually gets good grades in spite of doing poorly on her most recent test. This represents how even though Utena is a smart person, her intelligence will not help her succeed in the dueling games. Akio designed the dueling game so that it only benefits him. So, intelligent people like Utena and Miki, the duelist who is the focus of that episode, may believe that they can beat the system. However, Akio and Anthy are manipulating them both, and neither of them will be able to outsmart the system.

One of the biggest reasons that many fans think that Utena is dense or unintelligent is because she doesn’t pick up on the incestuous nature of Anthy and Akio's relationship. However, Utena has been bonding with Anthy since the beginning of the series. She has been bonding with Akio for almost as long because she started to view him as a mentor figure during the Black Rose arc. While it is impossible to deny that Utena genuinely views Anthy as her friend at the start of the Akio arc, many people forget that Utena also views Akio as her friend.

While the audience knows Akio is an evil person, Utena does not. She sees him as an intelligent older man who treats her as his equal, even though he is the Chairman of the school. While the audience knows that he is the Ends of the World, Anthy tells Utena that her brother knows nothing about the duels when Utena first meets him in episode 14. Utena starts lying on Anthy's behalf which incentivizes her to not connect Akio with the duels. If she did that, both her trust in Anthy and the illusion of her normal friendship with Akio would be broken.

Additionally, Utena does not find any reason to distrust Akio throughout the entire Black Rose Arc. While Akio is undeniably grooming her during this arc, he does not do or say anything to make Utena so uncomfortable that she will stop spending time with him. He is biding his time so that it will have the maximum negative emotional impact on her when he finally does take advantage of her. But to Utena Akio is smart, kind, and in a committed relationship. On the surface he seems like decent guy. He’s the Chairman of the school, but he’s young and cool, so she simultaneously sees him as both a friend and an authority figure. One could argue that she even sees him as a role model because he is simultaneously both someone who defies convention and lives up to the archetype of the prince. He has the power to be whoever he wants without being judged for it, which is something Utena wants as well. However, Utena wants this freedom so that she can define her own identity, while Akio uses this freedom to abuse other people.

Utena is drawn to both Akio and Anthy because Anthy lets her be a prince while Akio lets her be a “totally normal girl.” She can have both of her fantasies at once when she’s with the two of them by living in two separate worlds. The world of the duels lets her feel like a savior, especially after she protects Anthy from multiple people who were threatening to kill her in the Black Rose Arc. Even though Utena doesn’t remember the duels after this arc, she does still remembers protecting Anthy from the student council, none of whom respect Anthy’s autonomy. Utena never questions whether or not she respects Anthy's autonomy because she has been conditioned not to question her involvement in the duels. Anthy has encouraged Utena to try and fulfill the role of the Prince because that is part of her role as the Rose Bride. While Anthy gives her a chance to fulfill her dream of being a prince, Akio gives her the chance to feel like she is still a regular girl in spite of that. She gets the power that comes with being a prince and the societal validation that comes with being the princess.

By the time that Utena moves into the Chairman's office, she has good reason to purposefully avoid admitting that Akio and Anthy's relationship isn't as wholesome as she had originally believed. Early on in the Akio arc, Anthy apologizes to Utena on Akio's behalf, because she is worried that she was offended by him referring to the three of them as being family. However, Utena tells Anthy that it made her feel good because she doesn't have any family herself. As much as she genuinely values Anthy’s autonomy, she does want to uphold the system of her being the Rose Bride. While she wants to improve the system so that Anthy has more freedom, she does enjoy how the system gives her a sense of belonging she never had before. Later, she realizes that sense of belonging comes from her relationship with Anthy, and not her status as part of Anthy and Akio's family. However, by this point, she has yet to realize that because Akio is using the fact that she lost her family at a young age to manipulate her.

While the audience has known the truth about Akio and Anthy's relationship since episode 14, Utena didn't even start spending much time with both of them at once until she moved into the Chairman's tower. In addition to this, she does not have a framework for what a healthy family is supposed to look like since she grew up without one. Even if it doesn't seem like Anthy and Akio have a normal sibling relationship to her, Utena doesn't feel like she has the right to criticize them for that. They’re the first family she’s ever been part of and Utena seems to be uncomfortable with the general concept of empathy. She often shies away when Wakaba is extremely friendly with her, so one can assume that any sort of closeness feels unfamiliar to her. Also, the fact that she still believes she is helping Anthy keep the duels secret from Akio probably makes her feel like an invader in their family.

When Nanami moves into the Chairman's tower, Utena using her as a sounding board to validate her opinions about the true nature of Anthy and Akio's relationship. If Nanami agrees that they are a regular pair of siblings, then it must be true. However, if Nanami disagrees with her, Utena can blame Nanami for looking for evidence that Anthy feels the same way about Akio that she does about Touga. In episode 32, Utena tells Nanami that she thinks Akio and Anthy are sleeping in the same bed because they are "really close siblings." She already knows that Nanami thinks there is something incestuous about the relationship between the two siblings based on the conversations they had in the previous episode. So, if Nanami validates her theory now, then everything is all right. She doesn't have to reevaluate the way she's been living her life up until this point. She can have a family.

In the end, all that Utena wants is to overcome the pain of losing her family at such a young age. In episode 37, Anthy tells Utena that she wants herself, Utena, and Akio to stay the way that they currently are forever. But that's not Anthy's fantasy, it's Utena's. Utena is tired of feeling alone. She’s tired of feeling like she isn’t strong enough. She doesn’t want to have to rely on some man like a delicate princess, but she doesn’t really want to be a prince either. She wants to know that she can be free from those roles without being completely alone. And eventually, she does find that in Anthy. Even though their relationship was never perfect, they learn to see each other as people. They find freedom and companionship in each other, and that’s what makes their relationship beautiful.

[bluespiderlilies]

Reincarnation | Hashibira Inosuke

⟵ previous (chapter six). current (chapter seven).  next (chapter eight).   ⟶

❝some memories never leave your bones. like salt in the sea, they become a part of you.❞

— and you carry them (p a p e r w i n g s by april green)

“Make sure they get to their recipients, Kemuri. When you come back, I promise you lots of fruits and nuts, alright?” You told your crow, securing the letters you had written earlier around her legs.

She merely cawed back in reply before snatching the almond that you had been snacking on earlier before flying off.

You blinked and looked at your hand, where the almond had been previously.

Well. No matter how much training they went through, their inner instincts came first.

“That was the last one, too.” You mumbled in disappointment, walking over to Inosuke who was swinging his swords against trees and tree branches.

“Inosuke?” You called out, poking his shoulder gently.

He didn’t respond as he continued to slice off the branches with clean cuts, but you knew you got his attention which he paused for that mere millisecond before swinging his sword again.

“I suggest we go look for a village to heal up for a night or two. Eat and maybe buy some things, too,” you prodded, tilting your head at him. “You know, get our fill of tempura, sashimi, udon, donburi…”

His head snapped towards you, the snout of the boar mask he was wearing touching your nose. Your eyes widened, not realizing that you were this close to Inosuke.

You felt your cheeks grow hot.

“Well? What’s that look for? I know you’re hungry for some tempura. Let’s go.” You said, turning your head to the opposite direction and walked away from him, swallowing down any of the feelings you had felt just now.

You had no idea what you were going through. Was it…was it an allergy from his boar mask? No, no…you’re beside Inosuke all the time, you had never gotten an allergic reaction from it before.

Then what is it?

Maybe I should ask Shiori when I go back…

Your eyes shifted to the boy who was now walking in front of you, with his arms crossed and head held up high.

You unconsciously smiled, shaking your head. He liked making competitions out of the smallest things—you supposed that’s just how he grew up. But lately, he hasn’t been challenging or trying to compete with you—you had no idea why, but you let him be. Besides, if you were to ask him (which you definitely would not. Confrontation was something you are not fond of, and they only happened with bursts of adrenaline or anger).

“Inosuke, you can pick out the restaurant when we arrive to a village, since I promised you that I’ll pay.” You reminded him, patting the pouch that had your money in it, a soft jingling sound being heard.

He turned to you at you, a mischievous glint in his eye—oh, oh, no…what is he thinking?

“Then what are you waiting for?! You’re so freaking slow!” Inosuke yelled; within a second, you were holstered over his shoulders like some damn sack of potatoes, breaking into a run.

“Inosuke! What are you doing?” You huffed, swaying slightly in his hold.

He didn’t reply; instead, he increased his pace. You sighed, deciding to just go with it. Because the boy was as stubborn as a mule (or boar, perhaps? Hah, you’re so funny), and you didn’t bother to say anything about it. Hey, at least you didn’t have to use your feet.

The inner lazy part of you was content with that.

“Inosuke, how’d you find out about the Final Selection Examination? I never got to ask you.” You asked, closing your eyes. You started to feel a bit dizzy from looking at he rapidly moving ground, as well as from the swaying—so, you tried distract yourself.

“I fought and beat up a Demon Slayer who invaded my mountains!” He started, seemingly proud. “I got my swords and he told me about demons and the test.”

You could imagine him with a smug smirk and steam blowing out of the mask’s nostrils as he spoke.

“Really? Wow, you’re so strong, Inosuke.” You praised light-heartedly, knowing that he would take you seriously.

“Of course I am! I’m the god of the mountains!” He cackled, pace increasing as he got more riled up from your compliment.

You sighed, shaking your head. Inosuke is a tough person to tolerate, you could tell by how he acts and the way his personality is—but, for some reason, you felt like ever since the two of you met, you sort of just…clicked, per se.

You liked being friends with him.

“Oi, woman! We’re here!” Inosuke barked, causing you to open your eyes and look around you. Indeed, the both of you had arrived to the village—the familiar chatter of people and the sounds of giggles of children playing entering your ears.

You half expected to Inosuke to just…throw you onto the ground; however, much to your surprise, he gently placed you back on the ground onto your feet.

“Thank you, Inosuke. I had fun with you carrying me,” You smiled gratefully at him, brushing off any dirt from your hakama; however, your lips soon turned into a concerned frown. “Are you sure I wasn’t heavy, though? I feel like I might’ve broken your shoulder or something.”

“I’m fine! I’m strong and I could carry ten billion of you if I could!” He huffed, crossing his arms over his chest.

You bit your lip. You couldn’t really tell if he was lying since you couldn’t see his facial expressions, but his body language seemed to scream ‘I could carry you one billion times over and over if it was possible.’

“Okay, I believe you. Now, you should—” You were cut off by Inosuke abruptly pulling you by the hand, heading towards a restaurant.

Well. You were about to tell him to choose a restaurant.

You took a seat beside him as he took off the boar head, placing it on the chair beside him. The elderly man smiled at the both of you as you greeted him politely, and gave you both a set of menus.

While you skimmed through the sheet of mulberry paper with the handwritten food choices, you felt him nudge you harshly.

“Mm?” You hummed, not bothering to glance over at the boy beside you, despite him nudging you multiple times.

“I don’t know how to read or write! Order for me, woman!” He demanded, slamming the menu on the counter.

You blinked.

Oh.

“You could’ve said so earlier when the man handed it to you,” You chided, taking his menu and put it under yours. “I’ll read the options to you, and tell me if you want them, yeah?”

He grunted in response.

Your eyes looked over the familiar kanji, clearing your throat before you read it aloud to him.

“Tempura.”

“Hell yes!”

“Yakitori.”

“Yes!”

“Gyoza.”

“Yes!”

“Udon.”

“Yes!”

…this is going to take a while.

∞

I wonder if there’s an inn or a place where we can stay, you thought, after paying and thanking the man for your meal—or, well, meals, since you had to order a lot for the boar boy who was currently beside you, hands behind his head and walking in a relaxed manner.

He looked so satisfied.

Maybe I should spoil him more if he ends up acting like this.

Your lips curled upwards into an amused smile, shaking your head at the thought. Honestly, if you did, you would have no more money left. And you would never ask Shiori for money—you didn’t want to burden her.

As your eyes looked over at the handwritten ink kanji that displayed the name of various shops within the village, none of them said inn. You were patient, however, and if you couldn’t find one—well…you supposed you and Inosuke would end up sleeping under the stars tonight.

It was better than asking people if you two could stay over for a night, right?

Of course. Because being a burden to someone was one of the worst feelings ever. You…you knew that feeling quite well.

“Hey, woman.” Inosuke called out, breaking you away from your thoughts.

Your attention shifted onto him, blinking a couple times before answering with a hum of acknowledgement.

“That’s the same picture of the place we stayed at last time.” He pointed out, gesturing to the house with a crest of a wisteria flower.

“Ah. So it must be one of those Wisteria Family Households Akio was talking about.” You realized, quickening your pace.

Inosuke easily caught up to you with just a couple strides. “Hah? Who’s Abita?”

“It’s Akio,” you sigh, “you know, the guy who tried to flirt with me. He sat beside me at the restaurant in the other village.”

He gave you a blank look. “What the hell is flirting?”

You stopped in your tracks. Is he serious? He didn’t know what flirting was? Did living in the mountains make him this oblivious?

“It’s, well…it’s when someone acts that they like you in a, um, romantic way, but it’s actually playful—not serious. Most of the time, that is.” You stuttered, explaining to the best of your ability. You didn’t have to explain such a thing to anybody before—of course you are going to struggle.

“What does liking someone in a romantic way mean?” He questioned.

“I don’t know,” You huffed, throwing your arms in the air in an exasperated manner. “I’ve never felt that way before.”

“Huh? I thought you knew everything!” Inosuke barked, pointing a finger at you accusingly.

“Well, clearly, I don’t. I’m only fifteen. I know what I know because I either read them in books, observe, or people who are experienced tell me,” You told him, pausing for a moment before speaking up again. “And said people have told me what it feels like to like someone romantically, so I’ll relay what they’ve told me.

“When you like someone in a romantic way, you get all happy and tingly when you see them laugh or smile. I guess notice the small things? Like how their eyes light up when they talk about the things they like, their nervous habits, and the like. You feel comfortable yet anxious around them, since you mostly want to impress them and not say anything that may make you bad.” You paused for a moment, trying to remember what other things the women of the village talked about.

“You, um… feel connected to them in emotional way. Whether it’s how they express how they feel, or the way they talk, you feel attracted to it. You want to support them and be there for them no matter what—especially during their happy moments and hardships, or something. You want to comfort them when they are sad, you want to be the reason why you make their day.

“Their looks don’t matter. Sure, it may be a factor in why you love them, but it’s only a small one. Their personality is what stands out to you. Whether it’s the good or bad, you love them for all their flaws and imperfections. Sometimes, you can’t focus because of them—because they occupy your thoughts most of the time. No matter how hard you try to get rid of the thoughts of them, you can’t. Because they’re stuck in there.

“You always want to be close to them and not necessarily in a…” you swallowed, biting the insides of your cheek, “very… intimate way. You want to feel their warmth, hold them tight in your arms, inhale their comforting scent, and just relax in their presence, because that is the only thing that would matter to you on those moments.

“When you’re around them, all you can focus on is them and the way your heart is beating much faster, you have weird feeling in your stomach, you feel all hot and giddy at same time. That, all in all, is what liking someone romantically means.”

Phew. All that explaining really made you feel breathless.

“…that sounds dumb.” Inosuke commented with a nonchalant shrug, walking ahead of you.

Your eyebrow twitched. Did you just explain all of that for nothing?

“Oh, gods above, please help me.” You muttered, following after Inosuke. He had already knocked—no, banged—on the door of the house, waiting for someone to just open it.

He was about to bang once again when it opened, revealed two identical women—the only difference was their kimono pattern.

They were about your height, their slowly graying, plum purple hair styled in the traditional maru-mage, framing their round, petite face that had light wrinkles on their forehead, eyes, and the corner of their thin lips. They had drooping, almond shaped eyes that had that color of teal—which matched the jewels on the hairpins they donned.

The one of the right had a kimono whose color was that of cream, with sky blue chrysanthemums and green leaves decorating the clothes. The one of the left had a kimono whose color was of peach, majestic cranes with their beaks carrying pink cherry blossoms, decorating the clothes.

How stylish.

“Hello, kids!” The one on the right smiled warmly, stepping aside along with her counterpart so the two of you could enter. “Welcome to the Wisteria Family Household.”

“Thank you…” You trailed off, as you didn’t know their names.

“Ah! I’m Fujimoto Kotone,” the one in the peach colored kimono introduced, “this is my twin sister, Fujimoto Kohana.”

The said woman, Kohana, frowned. “I can speak for myself, big mouth.”

“I’m just being nice, you idiot. I guess you don’t understand because you’re never nice to me.” Kotone answered with a huff.

You blinked. Are they fighting right now?

“I’m, um, I’m (L/N) (Name),” You said, trying to cut off their pointless bickering. “That’s Hashibira Inosuke.”

Kotone paused, pinching her sister’s side (causing Kohana to wince and slap her hand away) before smiling sweetly at you. “It’s wonderful to meet you both. Here, let me show you to the room. You can change into your yukata there.”

You nodded, following her into the hallway before stopping in front of two rooms, which were right across from each other.

“I’ll prepare your meals with my sister.”

“Actually,” You piped up, stopping her from leaving. “We ate a big meal before coming here, so it’s okay.”

Kotone nodded. “Alright, then. I’ll call over a doctor. Please, take your time.”

She flashed you two a warm smile before disappearing into the corridor, going to who-knows-where.

“I claim this futon!” Inosuke shouted, jumping onto the futon in your designated room that was on your right.

“Sure.” You shrugged, stepping into the room. You slid the door close, taking off your bow and unstrapped your quiver, placing them on the ground.

Why didn’t they give us separate rooms? Goodness…

“Inosuke, look away.”

“Why?! I can do whatever I want!” He said, turning his head to look at you and crossed his arms.

“Inosuke, a guy, like you, shouldn’t look when a girl is changing. That’s how it is.”

“Huh? Why?”

You sighed, frowning. “Because that’s how it works. Now turn around.”

Inosuke grumbled to himself, turning away.

You slipped out of your clothes, folding them neatly and placed them beside your futon. After getting dressed in your yukata, Kohana announced that the doctor had arrived.

Kohana lead you to the room where the doctor was in, your eyes widened in recognition.

“Hello—oh! (Name)-san! I didn’t know that I would see you soon again.” The doctor from Akio’s household, Kimoto Botan, greeted as she looked up from her bag.

“Yes…we just came back from a mission.” You replied, bowing your head out of politeness.

“We?”

“My partner, Hashibira Inosuke.”

“Ah! The rowdy one.”

You smiled out of amusement. “Yeah, the rowdy one. Want me to bring him over?”

“That’d be ideal! Thank you.” She said, placing her bag down on the ground and began to take out the supplies.

You slid the shoji to the room open, seeing him sprawled on the futon with his boar mask on, hearing a faint groan.

“Inosuke? The doctor is here. You should come over to the other room to get checked out.” You spoke gently, placing a gentle hand on his bicep.

“No. You already did everything for me.” He grunted, turning his head away. You heard a faint wince.

“But, what I did at the farmhouse isn’t enough. Please, can you come with me?” You coaxed, taking his calloused hand in yours and tugged it lightly.

He gripped your hand, slowly getting up from his spot and trailed after you with sluggish steps. You weren’t so sure what was wrong with him—perhaps due to the wounds and painkillers you had given him, they had finally taken effect and he mellowed out—after all, the herbs you used helped calm and sooth a person from any pain they were experiencing.

“Huh? Is everything okay with him? I thought he’d be very energetic.” The doctor wondered, letting him sit down in front of her as she began to check his wounds.

“I gave him some painkillers. I think they made him soften up.”

Botan looked up at you, eyebrows raised. “What were they?”

“White willow bark and lavender essential oil.”

“I see. (Name), were you a herbalist before you became a demon slayer?”

You shook your head. “No. But, growing up, I had to learn such things.”

She frowned, unwrapping the bandages on Inosuke’s torso and shoulder. “What? Where did you grow up?”

“In a—”

“W-wait, (Name), your nose is bleeding!”

“Huh?”

Indeed, she was right—your nose was bleeding from both of your nostrils, blooding sliding down your lips and onto your chin, dripping into the tatami floors and your yukata.

You cursed in your mind, trying to wipe away the blood—thankfully, however, Botan gave you a cloth to put over your nose, instructing you to pinch your nose while leaning forward.

You were silent after that, instead watching her stitch and disinfect any of Inosuke’s wounds before wrapping new bandages on his body.

You didn’t know why you had gotten a nosebleed; but, you speculated that it was because you used the technique that Izumi-san taught you.

She did warn you that there were after affects for those who didn’t use the technique often enough—and the most common was getting a nosebleed or seriously sore muscles. Worst case scenario? Temporary paralysis.

“Alright, (Name), let’s clean you up and get you checked. I think I saw you limping.”

Damn. How’d she catch that? You internally sighed, moving to side in front of her.

“Why don’t you treat your own injuries?” She asked, while slipping off your yukata.

“They’re not serious.” You shrugged, laying on the futon; you made sure to wrap bandages around your chest area earlier just in case the doctor needed you to take off you’re the yukata.

“Oh, my…(Name), what’s with all those scars on your back?” She whispered, thumb gently brushing over each of the long, thin scars. You felt like each one she touched elicited the painful memories.

45 lashes for dishonesty.

30 lashes for disobedience.

35 lashes for discipline.

50 lashes for disloyalty.

And for what? Because you could never satisfy him.

Your father.

∞

You let out sigh, adjusting the lamp near on the short-legged table you sat in front of in the corner of your room, your journal in front of you.

It was opened on a clean, blank page—to which you would write the events of your day. You took the ink brush and stroked it against the ink stone, before beginning to write in the journal.

You felt Inosuke’s stare on your back, causing you to pause and look over your shoulder. “Inosuke? Do you need something?”

“What are you doing?” He asked, brushing his hair out of his face and sat next to you, looking at your journal. Though he couldn’t understand a single word, he tried to decipher the contents of the page.

“Writing a journal to my mother and grandmother. Itʼs a comfort thing.” You replied simply, swiping the brush over the ink stone before continuing to write.

“You have family?”

You paused for a slightest moment before turning to the next page. “No, they’re dead. But, I have a new family, even if they’re not blood-related to me.”

After that, Inosuke was silent.

You didn’t know why, but you didn’t bother to question him. Instead, you finished writing in your journal.

About to turn off the lamp, the door to the room slid open, revealing Kotone. She smiled warmly at the two of you, greeting you.

“Hello, you two. I saw that you still haven't gone to sleep.”

“Sorry,” you felt guilty. “I needed to do write some things before I went to sleep.”

She chuckled, shaking her head. “No, no, it’s quite alright. I just wanted to tell you both something.”

You watched the way Inosuke perked up at Kotone’s words, eyes narrowed.

“So? Hurry up and tell us!”

She laughed once again. “It’s nothing much. Tomorrow, our village will be holding out annual wisteria festival. I thought maybe you two would like to join us?”

You pursed your lips, averting your eyes to your fidgeting fingers. It’s been a long, long time since you had last attended a festival—which made you a little nervous. You only performed during them, only rarely would you have gotten to explore and actually have fun.

It would be a good change.

“Okay,” You nodded, looking over at Inosuke, “What about you?”

“I’ve never been to a festival!” He grumbled.

“Well, there’s lots of games and food—”

Inosuke perked up at the mention of food. “I’m going!”

Kotone grinned. “Wonderful! Make you two get lots of sleep. Goodnight.”

You bid her a goodnight as well, turning off the lamp before slipping under your covers.

You couldn’t wait for tomorrow. It would be a good change of atmosphere.

∞

“No, no! Kohana, this is the perfect kimono for her! Look at it! It’s gorgeous and suits her!”

It was only late afternoon, yet the two middle-aged women were fighting about what you would wear to the Wisteria Festival—which would be happening in the evening.

“Then, why not?” You answered, resting your chin on the palm of your hand on the chabudai table. “I’ll wear it.”

Kotone let out a childish squeal. “Yes! See, Kohana?”

Her twin narrowed her eyes at her. “Did I fucking say I didn’t like it? No, so piss of with the bragging.”

Kotone rolled her eyes. “Don’t mind her snippy attitude, (Name). She’s just disappointed that the man she liked is engaged to another woman.”

Kohana slapped her sister’s arm. “Shut up! That is my personal business.”

Kotone frowned. “So? It’s not like she’s gonna announce it to the entire country. (Name)’s quiet.”

“I don’t—”

You immediately zoned out of the conversation, not wanting to listen to their bickering. It was quite exhausting, to be honest. You didn’t like being around conflict much—despite, well, certain circumstances. Like being a Demon Slayer.

You took the kimono that Kotone seemed to love, walking behind the folding screen. You took off the yukata they had provided you and slipped on the nagajuban, then the kimono. It wasn’t bad looking it at; it was black and white with a flock of cranes flying as a design below the bronze colored obi, which contrasted the colors of the kimono.

It was simple yet stylish—just how you like it.

“Oh, I think I’m going to cry!” Kotone sniffed, a bright smile on her features as you stepped in front of the folding screen.

Kohana rolled her eyes, features softening upon the sight of you. “You look stunning in the kimono, (Name).”

Oh.

Shit, how do you respond to compliments?

You merely blink at the woman, lips sealed shut, mind racing with thoughts.

Kohana laughed at your blank expression, patting you on the back. “You don’t have to respond. Your blank face is amusing.”

“Hey, don’t make fun of her. She just might be socially awkward, that’s all.” Kotone chided, pushing Kohana away from you and side-hugged you.

You scrunched your nose. How straightforward.

“I’m going to my room to get prepared for the festival. Thanks for the kimono.” You bowed politely, sliding open the shoji before exiting Kotone’s room.

You sighed. You were sort of nervous thinking about the festival—after all, you’d never really got to enjoy them…instead, you had to perform, doing kagura dances and entertaining other people.

But now? You got to go on your own free will, this time you being the one entertained, and not you doing it.

It was sort of refreshing, to say the least.

“Where is he?” You muttered, sliding the door open to the backyard of the house.

There he was, sitting on the engawa, leaning backwards with his arms supporting him. He, surprisingly, did not have his boar mask on—he was merely staring off into the distance, dazed.

“Inosuke.”

“Gah!” He jumped, startled by your sudden presence. “What is your problem?!”

“Don’t blame me. You’re the one daydreaming.” You deflected, sitting down beside him.

“I would’ve senses your presence, but you barely have one!”

You hummed, crossing your arms and looking over at him. “But that’s not my problem, now is it?”

“You…!”

“Now that we have settled that, you should get dressed for the festival soon. It’s almost evening.”

He huffed. “No! Why can’t I go in this?!”

Inosuke gestured to the yukata he was wearing before he crossed his arms over his chest.

“That’s informal and used to wear at homes other than the jinbei. Besides, Kotone-san already has one picked for you,” You explained, poking his chest. “You don’t want to be late and all the food to be gone, now do you?”

“Huh?! No way!” He shouted, immediately getting up, heading to Kotone’s room.

You laughed quietly to yourself, getting up from your spot on the engawa. You looked up at the slowly changing colors of the sky, the sun gradually beginning to prepare for its slumber.

You headed to your room, opening the shoji before sliding it shut. You rummaged through your sack, taking out some of your small weapons.

Kunai, shuriken, and a tessen fan.

In a normal situation, such things were deemed extremely unnecessary—why would you bring weapons to a festival? But, then, you are reminded of your current occupation—you are a Demon Slayer. This is your life now. You are to be prepared for anything. Who knows if a demon would attack, considering it’s a festival with lots of humans gathered.

Though, yes, there were going to be wisteria—after all, the village were surrounded by them, but who knows? There could be demons that could get into the village by some sort of unknown means, or perhaps demons even immune to such things.

Man, you are so paranoid.

So, without a thought, you concealed the weapons throughout the kimono, making sure they wouldn’t slip out from any accidental gestures or sudden movements.

Unfurling the fan, it revealed a beautiful design of a golden moon in the middle of what it seemed like the night sky, orange lilies facing the moon.

Elegant, but deadly.

It reminded you of someone.

∞

“So many people…” You muttered, eyes darting around at the crowds of people laughing and conversing, as well as the giggles and squeals of children running about—indeed, the atmosphere felt familiar; it was positive and bustling, like the others you had attended before.

You felt a tug on the side of your kimono, turning around to see Inosuke gripping your obi, and had a troubled expression on his face. His eyes seemed to dart around at the crowds of people, his frown deepening.

Ah.

He wasn’t very used to crowds of people, huh?

“Inosuke, does anything catch your attention?” You asked, hooking your arm around his and began to guide him to the stalls, where the multitude of people lessened.

He tensed under your touch before relaxing, looking over at you glancing at the stalls. “What’s that?”

“Ah, I think that’s where you goldfish scoop.” You answered before greeting the man at the stall politely. You gave him some money before he handed over the two of you a poi and a bowl, which had washi paper over it.

“Look, you have to put as much goldfish as you can inside of the bowl before the washi paper tears.” You explained, proceeding to scoop the squirming goldfish before placing it in the bowl.

“This is a dumb game! I want something more challenging!” He demanded.

You rolled your eyes. “Fine. Whoever gets more inside the bowl wins and gets to eat the other’s dinner.”

Inosuke’s emerald eyes seemed to shine brightly with determination. “Hah! I’m going to beat you!”

So, you let him.

You couldn’t help it—it was too endearing. His easily excitable self was amusing—besides, he let you keep the goldfish. You made a mental note to let them free later.

You guided him to each of the games and stalls, teaching him how the traditional games worked—surprisingly, he was good at them; even if it was his first time. The best part? You got to keep his winnings.

“Why are you giving them to me, anyways?” You asked, hugging the stuffed animal—a rabbit—close to your chest.

“I don’t need them. They’re useless.” He answered, taking a bite of his yakitori.

“But they make good souvenirs and memories, don’t they?”

“Hah? Does it look like I care? I only want to get stronger!” He puffed out his chest proudly.

You hummed in response. “I care. I barely have any good ones, so I want to make as much as I can. It sort of sounds silly, but,” you smiled, tucking a stray hair behind your ears. “It makes me happy.”

Inosuke almost choked on his food, the sight of your genuine smile catching him off-guard. Not to mention the lighting of the warm, gold lamps made it seem like you were glowing—the sudden skip of his heartbeat made him feel flustered.

What the hell was that all about?!

He scrunched his nose in distaste, throwing away the skewer. He didn’t want to occupy his mind with such thoughts.

“Ah, Inosuke. I think it’s time for the lanterns to he set in the river and the fireworks to start.” You said, taking his hand in yours as you began to work your way through the crowds, holding both your and Inosuke’s lantern with the other.

For some reason, you liked the touch of Inosuke’s hand—it was large and calloused, but very warm and comforting. Not to mention that your hand fit with his perfectly, a warm feeling spreading in your chest.

You stopped when you arrived to the front of the lake, sitting down and patted the spot beside you. “Here, we let the chochin float about in the lake.”

“What’s the point in this?”

“To ward off evil spirits and the like.”

“Those don’t exist.”

“Many people do believe in them, though.”

“Those people are dumb.”

“Inosuke,” you huffed, looking at him. “Just put it in the river.”

He grumbled, placing the lantern on the lake at the same time as you. You pushed them, watching as the light glow of the many lanterns illuminating the lake, giving it a warm shimmer.

Loud explosive sounds began to ring out in the air, causing the two of you to jump put of surprise. However, you immediately calmed down upon noticing it was only the fireworks, the colors bursting into the sky in large sparks—dancing among the stars momentarily before disappearing.

“What the hell? Those are fireworks?” Inosuke grumbled, pointing to the sky.

“Yeah. Those are it. Aren’t they cool?” You smiled, looking up at the sky.

He watched as the sparkling lights and colors reflected against your irises, your small smile brightening your face. Inosuke felt his cheeks warm up, causing him to huff out of annoyance.

“No, they’re fucking boring. It makes me wanna sleep.”

Your attention shifted over to him, watching as he rubbed his eyelids and how he barely managed to keep them open. “Okay, then sleep on my lap.”

“Huh?! No!”

“It’s better than sleeping in the grass.”

“I don’t—!”

You cut him off by tugging on his yukata harshly, the side of his head landing on your lap. “Sleep, you big baby. Don’t complain too much.”

You began to run your fingers through his hair in a gentle manner, causing him to relax under your touch once again. He felt his muscles loosen up and his eyes begin to close, a wave of tiredness washing over him.

You smiled to yourself, looking up at the fireworks. You were already used to such things—the little boys in the village always liked to hang out with you before they got tired, sleeping on your lap as you brushed their hair with your fingers.

However, for some reason, this moment felt awfully intimate with Inosuke. You felt the heat in your cheeks rise as you peeked at his sleeping face, a relaxed expression on his features as his lips parted with each breath he took, chest rising and falling.

These feelings...what are they?

[linkspooky]

Ougi and Araragi

Hi! I was wondering if you could write a meta about Ougi from the Monogatari series.

It’s impossible to talk about one of them without talking about the other, so let’s discuss the unique relationship between Ougi and Araragi underneath the cut, the special relationship between a boy and his shadow. 

1. Character Concept: The Jungian Shadow

There’s a lot that can be discerned about Ougi just from the type of character they are. Their relationship with Araragi defines them entirely, without Araragi there is no Ougi. 

Ougi’s design is intentionally meant to parallel Araragi’s. Araragi has a very bland light novel protagonist kind of look to him (hence why he never gets any cover art) his only distinguishing feature is that his hair is styled to cover one eye at almost all times. This is because Araragi’s primary character trait is obfuscation looking at things through only one eye you are never going to get the entire picture. 

If Araragi’s character design is plain and normal, because that is what the primary protagonist type of these kind of series are an ordinary high school boy, then Ougi’s is the opposite, their design is attention grabbing and unique. If Araragi is normal, Ougi is visibly abnormal, you can already tell there is something subtly off by looking at them. What Araragi hides underneath the surface, Ougi is. 

The primary feature of Ougi’s face and the one you notice immediately is their eyes, large, dull eyes, which are the focus of their entire face. Ougi is always shown staring forward with those eyes, unblinking, directly at you. It’s symbolic, eyes are symbols of insight, if Araragi obfuscates then Ougi sees everything. Ougi also wears the Naoetsu high girls uniform. They take the appearance of what Araragi cares about the most, a girl that he can save. Their skin is pale, and their hair dark, which could mean two things, either black and white, light and shadow kind of thinking that Ougi represents or, it’s just supposed to make them look like the kind of ghost that is common in Japanese horror. 

Finally, Ougi’s sleeves are so long that their hands are almost never shown. This indicates two things, one human hands are signs of intimacy. What are your hands for? is a pretty famous quote from Evangelion, by never showing their hands Ougi cuts off intimacy because they exist as a symbol of isolation. The next is that Araragi is characterized as someone who always reaches out a helping hand, whereas Ougi is the opposite they stress individual agency and often leave others like Nadeko to their own fate. They may orchestrate things from the shadows, but ultimately Ougi never directly acts, and let’s the characters decide to step off the cliff all by themselves. 

The fact that Araragi a boy, makes Ougi appear as a girl is also a play on binary gender. Ougi is technically genderless, but they appear as a girl initially because themes of binary opposition, and black and white thinking are at play in their character. Araragi is someone who tends to see the world in a binary way. Light and dark, black and white, male and female, they assume there is some kind of proper order to the world that needs to be followed. When Araragi begins to let go of these ideas Ougi is freer to express their gender any way they like. 

A binary opposition (also binary system) is a pair of related terms or concepts that are opposite in meaning. Binary opposition is the system of language and/or thought by which two theoretical opposites are strictly defined and set off against one another.

Ougi is based primarily on two ideas. One of them is a pretty obvious reference to the King of Distortion from Boogiepop, which is the series which started what we now call ‘Light Novels’ in Japan by popularizing urban stories with heavy sci-fi or fantasy elements. Araragi even directly references the king of Distortion. 

“Tell me, what are you thinking about now...?” “Don’t suddenly become the king of Distortion.” Out with the cool quotes, scolded my sister. I deeply reflected on it. (Nekomonogatari White).’

The king of Distortion is a character who’s physical appearance and personality changes with every character they interact with, and who is able to enter the dreams of other people and see the desires in their heart after which point he makes an attempt to correct them. 

While the King's personality changes with whatever person's form he is taking, in general, he seems to share a soft-spoken, calm and collected attitude each time, always seeming confident, most likely because of his knowledge of distortions in the hearts of each person's subconcious he enters. He claims his goal to be to 'turn the people's suffering into gold', which involves having people deal with their inner turmoils and coming to terms with them, which is why Boogiepop does not consider the King an enemy of the world, as he doesn't truly do anything particularly villainous.

King of Distortion like Ougi is also born from a single character’s regrets.  The King of Distortion was born the moment Shirou Tanaka arrived at the Moon Temple. The main cause for the King's creation was the pent-up regret Shirou felt after entering a relationship with Naoko Kamishiro even though he didn't love her, figuring that he would just develop feelings for her later. After the girl's death, Shirou's self-hatred grew as he realized he wasn't particularly affected by her death in any real way. These feelings were also amplified by the fact that he knew about Akio Kimura, someone who truly loved Naoko, and deserved her way more than himself. These complex feelings of his manifested as the King of Distortion, a being born from Shirou's MPLS evolution.

King of Distortion is an entity born from repressed regrets and self hatred, what a character refuses to acknowledge about themselves or confront. Therefore, both King and Ougi are Jungian shadow archetypes. 

Both as one, one as both.

One is both, both are one.

The Niounomiya siblings with their slaughtering magic.

He and she pass their time in the same body.

Passing their shuttered time.

Passing their shuttered space.

She is Jekyll, and he is Hyde.

One as both, both as one.

Both are one, one is both. Hitokui Magical - [x].

Robert Louis Stevenson wrote the now famous tale, The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, a story famous for its astute psychological insight that “Man is not truly one, but truly two.” 

In Stevenson’s novel, Dr. Jekyll is a well respected doctor who cares deeply about the admiration of others and strives to be a good human being. In his laboratory he concocts a potion that when ingested transforms him into Mr. Hyde a primitive, unruly and destructive man. Reflecting on the nature of his transformation, he discovers a truth about the nature of a human being. 

“I learned to recognize the thorough and primitive duality of man; I saw that, of the two natures that contended in the field of my consciousness, even if I could be rightly said to be the either, it was only because I was radically both.” [Source.]

The shadow exists in a dual relationship with the persona, developing in turn with it. In Jung’s terms the self, is the sum total of the psyche. Both is one, and one is both. 

The persona comes from the latin word for “mask”, it’s the elements of personality which arises “for reasons of adaptation or personal convenience.” [Source.] It’s a simple idea, the way you talk around your friends is different from the way you talk in front of your grandmother. People are constantly choosing consciously which parts of their personality to show in front of others, especially in relation to how they would like to be perceived. It is a performance, but that does not mean it is not real. Every part of the identity matters. 

It leans heavily on embodying only one’s best qualities, leaivng all those negative traits which contradict the Persona to form the “Shadow.” Jung called the shadow the part of the psyche the unconscoius aspect of the personality. Because one tends to reject or remain ignorant of the least desirable aspeccts of one’s personality, the shadow is largely negative. It consists of everything which exists outside of the light of consciousness, but it can be both positive and negative. “Everyone carries a shadow”, Jung wrote, “And the less it is embodied in a person’s life, the blacker and denser it is.” The shadow is unscious, things which our mind experiences but we cannot control, dreams, desires, instincts. 

Without a well developed shadow, a person can easily become shallow and extremely preoccupied with the opinions of others, much like how we see Araragi act in Monogatari. Jung believed that, not wanting to look at their shadows directly, many people project those flaws onto other people. 

In terms of literary theory then, the Jungian Shadow archetype is a character who is made up of all the flaws that the protagonist refuses to confront. They challenge the protagonist merely by existing, because the protagonist wants to look away and leave those qualities unacknowledged. Often, they are an antagonist merely because the protagonist projects all of the flaws they cannot see into themselves, onto that other person. 

2. Araragi Koyomi - He Obfuscates 

It is impossible to see the shadow without the light. It is impossible to describe Ougi without first talking about Araragi Koyomi. Just like Ougi, let’s start with the origins of his character. While this is just my own personal speculation I’m not NisioIsin, Araragi has always read as written in response to two things to me: First Ii-chan, the protagonist of his first series Zaregoto, and second harem protagonists in general. 

II-chan and Araragi are both very flawed and non-confrontational human beings, but whereas Zaregoto is a story about how II-chan really does not want to change himself and instead just kind of wants to stay treading water, wants to never cause any more ripples, wants to hold onto the fragile sense of self he has Araragi’s is a story of a bad and hypocritical, shallow kind of person striving to grow up and become a good person, acquire depth. 

The stereotypical harem protagonist is this, a plain guy with no personality who somehow gets girls to fall all over him, often for showing them the bare minimum of kindness. Monogatari is partially a deconstruction of harem series because it shows the kind of circumstances that would cause all these girls to fall all over one guy, literally they are all so deprive of affection that the smallest show of kindness does actually make them fixate on Araragi. 

The thing is Araragi does have a clear personality. He is very cynical, he’s judgemental of other people, he really likes to snark. Part of the reason he likes talking to Senjyogahara so much is he can be meaner, and sharper tongued than he normally presents himself as around people. He has traditional black and white views of justice. He tends to meddle. He is observant, but his style of thinking is flawed because he tends to jump to conclusions quickly rather than thinking out the details slowly and methodically. He’s almost constantly anxious, but usually responds to the anxiety with avoidance. However, a lot of his more distinct personality traits sound more negative rather than positive, so Araragi has a version of himself he presents to others who he is less close to. This ‘self’ is much more vague, and wishy-washy, very go with the flow. Despite the fact that Senjyo and Hanekawa both comment that Araragi is well known among the students as a delinquent, Araragi himself says that he’s a typical high school student with a completely normal personality. He defines himself as vague on purpose, that sole purpose being to appear as more acceptable to others, because like an ego that refuses to acknowledge his shadow Araragi is very shallow and defines himself entirely on the opinions of the other people around him. 

He is lacking a sense of self, or rather that sense of self eventually escapes from him when his shadow runs away Peter Pan style and becomes Ougi.

Araragi has three primary character flaws that manifest in the form of Ougi, Araragi is a hypocritical altruist who only cares about weak girls that need to be saved, Araragi obfuscates, and Araragi only thinks in black and white. 

Araragi is not someone who helps people because it is the right thing to do. He does not do good deeds because they are good. He only helps others because there is something he gains out of it. One thing that’s important about Araragi is that he has a cripplingly low self esteem, to the point of self harm, self flagellation, and even suicide attempts. 

He literally says so when he finds Kiss-Shot’s body, his first response is not to call for help but rather to try to let Kiss-Shot kill him, apologizing for living such a worthless life until this point. It’s not just that Kiss-Shot was in trouble, Araragi also made it about his own self loathing. 

Araragi seems selfless to a fault, but he’s actually very self obsessed. While it’s true that Araragi desires to be a good person, and improve as a person, his methods for self improvement are faulty. He’s obsessed with appearances, and it’s more like he wants the appearance of a good person rather than actually having to put in the work at first. He wants to feel like he’s saved others. He wants to feel like he is someone worth something. He saves others because it increases his self worth, and also once again he gets something out of it. Araragi saving women that are weaker than him makes him feel special, like somebodyy needs him. 

He wears the persona of a hero, rather than actually trying to be one. It happens again and again in the series. Despite the fact that Araragi actively does heroic things literally all the time, he also denies any role of being a hero because he does not want the responsibility of being one. Araragi wants the world to be burger king, he wants to have it his way. He wants the best of both worlds, Hannah Montana style. He wants to save girls, but he doesn’t want to be their hero and be entirely responsible for them.

“Araragi-kun, even if you can become a star, you can’t become a hero.” “I can’t become a star.” I shook my head. “I can only become a vampire.”  And I even failed at that. “I see.” So you’re not going to be - my hero.

Nekomonogatari: White (Hanekawa and Araragi)

Take his actions in Nekomonogatari. Araragi claims it’s impossible to be a hero, he says that Hanekawa cannot be saved and calls for her to take personal responsibility and face everything that is wrong with her life. However, rather than trying to just support her with that difficult task Araragi immediately jumps to self harm. 

It’s impossible for Araragi to become a hero, but he can swallow a katana and then trick Hanekawa into killing him because that is somehow easier than facing his feelings for Hanekawa head on. Araragi prefers bloody, painful self harm to the terrifying ordeal of being known. Araragi knows that Hanekawa is in need of help, but the fact that she is such a messy person different from the person he originally saw her as, makes him afraid of her. 

The thing is human beings are really sloppy. They are a messy gray, and Araragi wants to save them, but he really is just a kid out of his depth with a lot of things. He sees the abuse of Hanekawa’s household, and because he’s literally never even encountered an abusive life he gets so terrified that he runs away screaming. He does care about Hanekawa, but she’s far too complicated for him. He does not even want to touch that mess. It’s much easier for him to see Hanekawa as a hero, all black, or all white, then try to attempt something he does not know how to do and could screw up Hanekawa even worse. 

Once again while it is not Araragi’s responsibility to fix an abused girl, and it makes sense a normal high school kid does not understand coping with abuse at all, Araragi at the same time wants to help her. Instead of just admitting that he can’t do anything for Hanekawa, he play-acts at being a hero. 

Here’s the thing about Araragi, have you ever once seen him try to save a boy? He only cares about helpless girls because those are the kind of people that heroes save. He does not care about people that are stronger than him, because then he is depending on them rather than the other way around. Araragi only interacts with about three male characters in the story significantly.

Oshino, who is an adult figure that Araragi aspires to be like, and then Kaiki and Seishirou who he both views as rivals for the two most important girls to him Senjyogahara, and Seishirou. Do you notice there is a far different tone in Araragi’s interactions with Seishirou and Kaiki? Araragi absolutely refuses to see Kaiki as anything other than a villain, and while Seishirou is clearly a victim, Araragi cares very little about actually saving him and instead prioritizes competing with him over Kiss-Shot. 

Once again this is dude psychology that is present in Harem series. Did you notice if male characters do show up in harem series they are oftentimes, either comic relief, they are terrible people for the main character to look good in comparison, or they are old men mentor types. That is because any other man who would exist in a harem series is automatically competition for the girls. Araragi does not want to compete, he does not want to feel inferior to anyone else, because he always feels inferior all the time therefore he never has any male friends. 

Therefore it’s hypocritical altruism, while Araragi is willing to help and that’s a good thing, he also never once helps unless there is something he gains from it. Even if it’s a chance to exercise his self loathing. Once again Araragi’s self loathing is incredibly harmful, he literally gets bones broken, limbs severed, and organs torn out almost every time he helps someone. Not only that but it’s always the first solution he jumps to. This is not the behavior of a healthy person, this is the behavior of someone attempting to punish themselves. Helping these girls by martyring himself is an act of attrition for Araragi, because he believes he deserves pain for all of his hypocrisies, but once again it’s still self obsession. Just hating yourself, just beating yourself up, is different from having to do the actual work of facing yourself and picking yourself up. Araragi will always choose dishonesty over honesty, obfuscation over seeing things clearly. 

Araragi’s primary strategy of dealing with these many hypocrisies and contradictions in himself, and keeping his ‘ego’ in balance has always been obfuscation. Araragi is observant, but he presents himself as ignorant. He always goes on claiming how stupid he is, and how he’s nothing more than a worthless washout. 

This is because Araragi was raised with an overpowering sense of responsibility. While his parents are not necessarily bad parents, they are police officers. He was raised made to feel responsible for things like justice, saving others, and especially made to feel responsible for his own flaws. Police officers are also symbols of justice, who as human beings often fall far short of the law and authority they are supposed to represent, because symbols are symbols and humans are humans. 

Therefore, what Araragi wants to avoid at all costs is feeling responsible. He wants to be important, but he never wants to take the responsibility of actually being important. This is his immaturity, the part of him that refuses to grow. For Araragi, if situations are too complicated for him to handle, or he fears his meddling will only make things worse and therefore he will be indicated as responsible his response is to just avoid it entirely rather than struggle or try. 

This is shown in the case of Sodachi Oikura, once again someone that Araragi knew about and sympathized with but at the same time could not comprehend. Sodachi lived in horribly abusive circumstances, and both times Araragi encountered her he was a child. Araragi at the same time takes far too much responsibility, and far too little. It’s completely understandable that Araragi a middle schooler had no idea what to do to deal with what was obviously an abusive household, most adults are pretty useless when it comes to handling abused children. Yet, at the same time Araragi avoids any responsiblity whatsoever, he just forgets about Oikura claiming he has a bad memory depsite encountering her at three different significant parts of his life. Rather than struggle and fail, it’s better for Araragi to just not know anything at all therefore it can’t be his fault. 

When Ougi drags Araragi through Sodachi’s case, Ougi ‘deduces’ everything, but Ougi’s catchphrase is I only know what you know. Ougi cannot have come to a conclusion that Araragi did not already know or was not capable of figuring out on his own, Araragi just did not think of those things because it was too painful to think. 

 This is also present in his dealing with other characters. There are several characters who have heavy romantic crushes on Araragi while Araragi is already in a relationship, Nadeko, Hanekawa, etc... Rather than ever just going through the awkward interaction of rejecting them it’s much easier to just pretend he never even notices their affections. Therefore we see him hypocritically, have a girlfriend, at yet at the same time constantly hang out with other girls who have a clear attraction to him and romantic feelings for him and never do anything about it. 

Nadeko turns into a god because of obfuscation, both on Araragi’s part and on Nadeko’s. Nadeko is called out for what a hypocritical person she is never wanting to face anything directly, but that behavior is only a reflection, a foil to Araragi’s own, hence why Araragi was never able to save her. 

Once again, Nadeko clearly has several problems with her personality, and she also blatantly hits on Araragi several times despite one being a middle schooler, and two Araragi having a girlfriend. Rather than just reject her outright, or acknowledge these parts of her personality, Araragi chooses to ignore everything and reduce her to being a cute girl. Nadeko puts on the act, and Araragi perceives. He then ignores all of her feelings, until they repress more and more and then bubble out into a jungian shadow expression that is Snake God Nadeko who just indulges on all of her instincts and desires and gives up conscious thought and her persona completely. 

Ougi always mocks Araragi has a helpless fool, because that is what Araragi wants to be, helpless, foolish, and therefore not at fault when there are unintended consequences of his actions. 

Finally, Araragi only thinks in black and white. This is also part of his obfuscation, he never wants to acknowledge how complicated people are. When he’s forced to confront the ugly side of people he almost always looks away.

Black cats, white cats, hmmm, I wonder what that means. Araragi was only disappointed with the idea of justice, because he wanted to believe in it in the first place. He wants to believe that things like heroes can exist, and that his black and white perceptions of the wolrd are real. Araragi craves that order more than anyone else, perhaps even more than his younger sisters who just play at being heroes of justice. The reason he becomes so disillusioned is because he expects there to be an order of things, for their to be roles just like in a story, for their to be a sequence of events with meaning. 

Araragi expects narrative rules to apply to real life. For life to have meaning. That is why he is a story teller. There are monsters and oddities, and humans with a clear line between them, despite the fact that Araragi himself is someone who blurs these lines by existing as a quasi vampire. Araragi’s life is a story that he tells himself, and that’s why it’s so important that his perceptions are so off. In Tsuki he even gets called on this twice, he calls his increasing vampirism punishment instead of just consequences for his actions and he’s told not to think he’s so special that god would go out of his way to punish him. Tadatsuru asks why they are facing off like this, why Araragi is protagonist and he is antagonist. 

Araragi does not like acknowledging how sloppy the world is, because that makes him feel insignificant and weak. It would make anybody feel that way, because it means acknowledging that we are not as in control of things as we would like to be. 

3. Oshino Ougi - They Reveal 

Ougi Oshino is Ougo Oshino.

They are a vague existence, Araragi refuses to define them because defining Ougi means defining themselves and that kind of confrontation is the last thing Araragi wants. 

Ougi Oshino is born out of a desire for Araragi to punish himself, the same way he always seeks external punishment by allowing people to beat him up and rip out his intenstines. Rather than confront what is inside of him, Araragi externalizes it and confronts it as an external force which he projects upon. 

Ougi is a shadow born from the light of Araragi’s ego. It was not the darkness that created them, but rather Araragi himself and the shadow he cast. Therefore while Ougi can be seen as a corrective force, they actually embody all of those flaws that Araragi has, and their own character traits are always in response to those flaws. 

Wheraes Araragi is a hypocritical altruist, Ougi is someone who exists to fix people’s mistakes, or punish them for their mistakes rather. Despite manipulating them, Ougi also ultimately leaves them up to their own fate. He leads them up to the cliff but does not push. 

Ougi is a hypocritical fixer, because while he seems to be punishing others for their mistakes he really only exists to punish himself in the form of Araragi. All of the ‘mistakes’ he corrects are just Araragi’s own mistakes foiled in other people. 

Nadeko is a foil to Araragi, she represents his own feigning of innocent and being unknowing. Kaiki is a foil to Araragi, he represents how much of a fake Araragi is by pretending to cling to ideals of justice and saving others but also denying them as well. Sodachi is also like Araragi, they both prefer to wallow in misery than try to work towards their own happiness. Araragi even says his famous line with his relationship with Shinobu, an ending where everyone is miserable, where nobody gets what they want. There are serious problems with his current relationship with Shinobu, a power imbalance, and both know they cannot last this way forever but rather than attempting to fix their relationship they both cling to the way thing’s are. 

Repression and obfuscation is always favored over directly addressing the issues, especially the things which Araragi probably cannot control, or fix, like the complicated nature of abuse. Ougi claims they operate out of some imaginary set of rules that totally exist, but once again Ougi is the hypocrisies of Araragi laid bare. They are every bit the hypocrite that Araragi is. 

They are just punishing other people who reflect Araragi’s negative traits. Those who do not acknowledge their shadow, will project their flaws onto other people and see themselves in other people in order to cope. 

Ougi is made up of Araragi’s repressed desires. They are a girl he wants to save, which is the only type of person Araragi interacts with. At the same time, they are also connected to Oshino, who is Araragi’s model in the series for adulthood and maturity. Oshino who is always able to figure things out, and very self-collected often making fun of Araragi for his youthful excitement and his naivete for not knowing much about the world. 

While Araragi presents himself as an idiot, Ougi is intelligent an capable of figuring things out from scraps of information. Araragi jumps to conclusions, Ougi is deductive and a good thinker. Ougi Oshino already knows Araragi better than himself, therefore Araragi does not have to carry any of the burden of self reflecting, or making himself known to other people around him.

During Ougi and Arraagi’s first meeting in the anime, he hallucinates that the classroom that he is locked inside of floods with water. The depths of the water, the shadow, dreams, these are all the realm of Jung. If the conscious mind is the water’s surface, then the subconscious is its depths.

Araragi obfuscates, whereas Ougi reveals the uncomfortable truth. Ougi always positions themselves as a detective. In the realm of stories, it is the detective who makes the big reveal at the end. After all Ougi even says when they are locked in the room together, because there is no famous detective that Ougi themselves will play the role and announce the culprit. 

However, Ougi’s reveals are just as hypocritical as Araragi’s obfuscations. Ougi takes the shadow to be representative of the whole self, because they themselves are a living breathing Jungian shadow, but just like Jekyll and Hyde man is both. He is not one or the other, he is both at the same time. Ougi always act with the assumption that there is some kind of truth to be revealed, that this is just like a detective novel where there is a reveal waiting at the end. 

Ougi takes the repressed desires to count as the “truth” of the whole mind, and ignores the conscious mind entirely. Therefore, in their view Nadeko is only capable of being a selfish cute girl who sees herself as a victim, Hanekawa is only something scary which Araragi must avoid. They at the same time as Araragi both read the same black and white narrative of the world. They do not care at all for the persona, or how people choose to present themselves. Desipte what Kaiki said to Nadeko that people can choose to be whoever they want to be, and they can try as many times as they like.

Ougi also views themselves as inhuman, and therefore incapable of doing anything, or defining themselves as anything outside of their role. Ougi is in a way, just as repressing of themself as Araragi is. They even lament this in front of Tsukihi, that once the detective reveals the mystery the novel is over. That if anybody would know the truth of them, they would come to hate them because they are abhorrent. 

Ougi by repressing concious thought, silences other people and what they have to say about themselves. The only thing that matters is the repressed, what Ougi dictates as the truth must then become the truth. It’s just as much a limited way of saying the world as Araragi’s is. Hence Ougi’s famous catchphrase, I don’t know anything, you’re the one who knows. Ougi sees themselves as a person fundamentally incapable of knowing anything other than outside the bounds of what Araragi already knows. 

Which is finally where the black and white thinking comes in. While the two of them seem like polar opposites, their views of the world are actually the same. Ougi wants what Araragi wants, for the world to exist like this is a story. For there to be roles, and order and most importantly meaning. The same way that Araragi just ignores things that fall out of step with their roles, when people contradict the way Araragi sees them he just pretends to be oblivious rather than see them as complex human beings. Ougi actively goes out of their way to punish people, for not playing the role in the story they were supposed to play. He acts like a corrective force, pushing people back into their roles. His wrongful assumption is not that people improve by “correcting mistakes” but rather there was a proper path in the first place. That there was a hero’s journey they were supposed to be going on. There is no path, there is no meaning, it’s all senseless but Ougi exists out of a desire for things to be sensible. 

Ougi exists as Araragi’s opposite, because Araragi assumes that things like binary opposites exist in the first place. Heroes and villains, crime and punishment. They both believes these things exist in a fundamental order in the world, and they are not just made up values that humans invented and give meaning to. 

“Let’s not joke. Virtue is the antonym of vice, not of crime.” “Are vice and crime different?” “They are, I think. Virtue and vice are concepts invented by human beings, words for a morality which human beings arbitrarily devised.” (No Longer Human, Osamu Dazai)

For both of them clinging to these hypocritical beliefs are better than the alternative, admitting to their own helplessness in the face of a world that is mostly indifferent to them. 

That’s why, when they are separate both of them choose to stick to their ultimately restricting and punishing roles, as protagonist and atagonist, persona and shadow, hero and villain, rather than just trying to acknowledge themselves and live as people. 

Both is one, and one is both.  Araragi Koyomi and Oshino Ougi have a relationship that ultimately results in not antagonism, but rather union and acceptance. Just like the King of Distortion is not an enemy of mankind in the enemy, Ougi was never an enemy to Araragi in the first place. Araragi never needed to hate himself or punish himself. The true path forward lies in union and acceptance.

You can never be anything more than yourself, nothing more and nothing left.